Fixing Your Earth [Laziness] - 014 Loss of Excitement & The Solution

Water-of-Fire-of-Earth

With siyata d’shmaya we are continuing to learn about the element of earth, and the trait of laziness. Now we are up to discussing laziness that stems from water-of-fire-of-earth.

Earth makes a person feel heavy and non-moving. Fire causes a person to have a burst forward. Water-of-fire is when water meets fire. When water meets fire, the water hisses and the fire sizzles. The fire becomes weakened from the water, and a clash ensues - either the water will put out the fire, or the fire will overpower the water. If a person has a nature of water-of-fire-of-earth, this will mean that clash between his water and fire will also awaken his dominant nature of earth.

A Cycle of Excitement, Exhaustion and Laziness

A person with a nature of water-of-fire-of-earth does not have any sound approach (mehalech) towards life. He has not yet given structure to his soul. Instead, he lives his life based on “explosions” (fire) of excitement, on anything exciting that comes his way which will motivate him and interest him, and he does not follow any kind of order, plan, or structure.

When a person knows how to use the element of earth properly, he could provide structure and order in his soul, and he can develop an actual approach towards the way he lives his life. But people with a nature of water-of-fire-of-earth do not have any kind of structure or order in their souls. They live based on excitement, which comes from the element of fire, and eventually, their ‘fire’ dies down – they lose their excitement after some time.

With a nature of water-of-fire-of-earth, a person will have excitement and soon after his “water” will ‘cool off’ his fire. He will begin to do something because he is excited, but later he becomes ‘cooled off’ from it. He may become doubtful about what he is doing (earth). He begins to do something and later he becomes skeptical about it, saying, “Who says this will succeed?” His excitement, his ‘fire’, becomes cooled - and he returns to his main nature of earth\laziness.

People like this will begin new projects, and eventually they will feel weak and drained from what they are doing, and they lose their energy for it. They feel like they are constantly going through the statement of the Sages, “All beginnings are difficult”[1], because they are always feeling drained of their energy when their fire\excitement weakens.

In water-of-fire-of-earth, not only does the element of water cool off the fire\excitement, but it awakens the dominant nature of earth in the person, which causes the person to become lazy. After becoming excited, the person falls back into his dominant nature of earth, where he either becomes lazy or sad. Then he has regrets over whatever he started to do, thinking that he shouldn’t have started something that wasn’t going to last for him.

This is like the statement of the Sages that “The wicked are full of regrets.”[2] When one is always regretful over the past, this stems from his element of earth. What happens? He won’t want to continue doing it anymore, because he regrets that he ever started it, so he stops doing it altogether. Even if he continues, anything he does will be with a sense of heaviness. His actions will feel heavier upon him, as if they are one big load upon him that he’d rather not have.

Since this person has a dominant nature of earth, his nature is that he doesn’t move that much, but his fire causes him at times to also move a lot, and soon after his dominant nature of earth takes over, so he returns to non-movement. People with a nature of water-of-fire-of-earth will become excited, and then lose excitement after some time, and they become lethargic again, repeating the cycle. They become more and more lethargic in what they are doing because they are feeling heavier inside, since they feel regretful that they started it in the first place.

A person may become excited about his job, or about some other project he’s involved with, or about a new shidduch that he is pursuing, and soon after he loses his excitement and he is back to his unexcited state, where he becomes lethargic again. People become excited and then they become regretful of what they began to become interested in, and then they feel lethargic about it. The more excited a person was, the more lethargic he will be when he loses the excitement, and this will awaken laziness and sadness.

People like this will live based on different periods of their life, “tekufos”. They have exciting times of their life, and when their excitement wanes, they become totally lethargic. They become very inspired and excited at first, but they fall back to the earth afterwards, with a hard fall. And they stay this way their whole life.

This is not a stable way to live. People like this become so ‘fired up’ when they are excited that they don’t see things clearly and they can’t put things into proper perspective. Their element of water also becomes imbalanced due to their strong fire, and the clash between their water and fire causes their earth to strengthen and becomes too dominant. They simply don’t live in a stable manner. The entire structure in their soul is unstable, and their entire way of living is simply not a way to live. It results in a dominance of earth\laziness, but that is just the results of the issue. The real issue here is that the person’s entire way of living is faulty to begin with.

Grasping The Idea of Limitations

Whenever one is in a state of excitement, his fire is very active and it may not dominate him, if his nature is water-of-fire-of-earth. He is excited about something he deems important, such as an exciting shidduch he is pursuing. But a person needs to understand that everything has its proper time and limitations, and therefore, he must learn to view the limits of what he is excited about.

To illustrate the idea, we know that every person is limited. Everyone leaves the world at some point. A person generally will be married to one spouse, and sometimes people remarry, but not more than that. There is a limitation to our life and marriage. When we enter into something, we may not be aware of the limitations involved. But we need to erect “boundaries” for ourselves, by being aware of the limitations involved in something. When a person’s fire is very active, he is excited and he cannot see any boundaries then. That is when he needs to make use of the element of earth, which places boundaries on something.

This is the holy use of the element of earth: placing boundaries, so that we are aware of the limitations of each thing. Boundaries and limitations are the very essence of the element of earth. Awareness of limitations is also the very antithesis to the trait of laziness. Therefore, one should understand, on his own level, the bounds and limitations of any endeavor that he is entering. He should always think about the limitations of each thing. When one regularly gets used to thinking this way, he won’t be as reactive when he’s excited, because just thinking about limitations already controls his excitement and limits it.

This kind of thinking must be done before one is actually excited, and not while one is actually excited, because it is much more difficult to learn how to gain control over oneself while being excited about something. The Sages state that during the time that the yetzer hora is dominant, the yetzer tov doesn’t have any power.[3] Instead, a person needs to live a life of always thinking about the bounds and limitations of something. Of course, one cannot have perfect awareness of the limitations of each thing, but he can try to come closer to this concept as much as possible.

Examples of Grasping Limitations

Here are some examples.

1)     A person joins a new job. He should think: “Will I be here forever? For how many years will I be here - three or four years? How long do people work at this job for?” This is especially the case in today’s times, where people are often switching their jobs, in stark contrast of previous times, when people usually kept the same job their whole life. A person needs to think, before starting the job: “What can happen here? What is likely to happen, and what is not so likely to happen? What are the good parts, and what are the not-so-good parts here? How many years do most people stay in such a job?”

Although one cannot predict what will happen, this type of thinking provides a person some kind of picture of limitations and bounds. No one can be exact when it comes to this, but the point of this thinking is to get used to the idea of limitations.

2)     The above example was a bit extreme, but the following is easier to relate to. A person is sitting in the succah on Succos, and he finds himself enjoying it very much. He may wish it could be like this the whole year. But before entering the succah, he should know that it will only last for seven days. He will need to leave it when Yom Tov is over. He must know that there are limitations to this reality, even though he has pleasure in it and it is a precious mitzvah to him. This helps a person develop the soul’s power of placing boundaries.

3)     Another example: If a person has a family member who is ill, he should think for how long it can last for. Sometimes it is not clear, but he should try to think of the average time span.

4)     Another example is when a person wishes a certain thing or relationship would be forever. One must tell himself that nothing is forever and that everything is limited.

5)     The weekly parshah is only this week, and then it is gone, until a year later.

6)     Children should be taught that the boys in his grade will not be with him forever.

7)     When one enters Chanukah, he should be aware that it will only last for 8 days, and then it is over.

One needs to always be aware of the limitations of the situation he is in, and this kind of thinking is not just an idea, but an actual way to live life.

The Two Extremes - Always Feeling Limited vs. No Limitations

In this lesson, we are describing the nature of water-of-fire-of-earth, which causes a person to undergo a cycle of excitement, exhaustion, and loss of excitement, where a person finds it difficult to place limitations on his excitement. Others have the opposite problem than this: they will always think of the limitations involved in something. They are skeptical about everything because they will immediately think of what can go wrong here, how they are limited, and what can prevent them. They take the concept of limitations too far. What they really need is to experience more freedom from limitations. They need to learn how to take more risks.

In this lesson we are discussing an opposite problem than this: when a person doesn’t know how to place limits on what he’s excited about. His work in repairing this nature is to become aware of the idea of limitations.

This idea, of always being aware of the limitations and bounds of each thing, should not be taken to an extreme level, or else a person places himself into an inner state of “Egypt”, he becomes too confined, as if he is exiled, by placing too many boundaries on himself (the word for Egypt is Mitzrayim, from the word meitzar, “narrow confine”). Nor should a person always try to go from limitations. There must be a balance, so that one is aware of limitations yet he isn’t becoming too confined by them, and so that he is also able to go free from limitations, by being able to take risks, but not to an extreme.

A more balanced way of becoming aware of limitations is, that whenever a person begins to pursue anything out of excitement, he should place some kind of limit on this excitement, such as by making sure to always act “on condition” that he can only continue if Mashiach doesn’t come. One should enter into any endeavor “on condition” that he can only continue it if Mashiach won’t come in the middle. With this kind of thinking, one becomes aware that whatever he is doing is limited.

Repairing Water-of-Fire-of-Earth – Through Being Aware of Limitations

When a person feels lazy and he is finding it difficult to begin any activity, part of the difficulty is because he doesn’t see the limitations of what he is doing. Therefore, he can feel overwhelmed already before he starts, because he has no idea when the activity will end, and therefore he avoids beginning. Therefore, one should become aware of the limitations of something, and this will make the task feel less daunting to begin. 

On a specific level, this repairs laziness, but on a more general level, it also provides order for the soul. In this way, a person gains the power of seder (order) in his soul. It places bounds on his fire, by preventing it from exploding outward. Without any limitations, fire has no restraint. By becoming aware of limitations, a person puts some restraint on fire, so that it doesn’t explode outward as much, and even when it does, it will be more restrained and controlled.

In the beginning of this lesson we explained that water-of-fire-of-earth in the soul is when one’s water is ‘cooling off’ his fire, meaning that his excitement wanes. But there is a different way to ‘cool off’ fire, which is more balanced: by becoming aware of bounds and limitations of something, a person can ‘cool off’ his enthusiasm so that he doesn’t go overboard with it, and in this way, he saves himself from unexpected disappointments, because he knows that he can expect limitations to his excitement.

Here is an example of what it means to be aware of bounds and limitations, and the lack thereof.  Recently I knew of a couple that unfortunately got divorced. It was a complex situation, and it is not possible to fully present all of the factors that led to the divorce, but one thing was certain. The two sides did not do any research about the other side. They went blindly into it, without bothering to ask any important questions, which are considered normal to ask about, when looking for a shidduch. The girl’s mother was asked why she didn’t want to find out information about the other side. She said, “By us, the custom is that we don’t try to find out information about the other side. Because as soon as we hear anything negative, we would want to break the shidduch. We don’t want that to happen, so we don’t try to find out anything.” The boy and girl got married, serious problems were discovered, and eventually they got divorced.

A person needs to be realistic and do his research, and he must find out what he has to find out. When a person is not prepared to hear or find out anything important about what is entering into, this means that he isn’t prepared to place any boundaries on the situation. This is careless and irresponsible, because a person must be able to set limits when it comes to deciding who he will marry, and he must find out what he needs to, and to be prepared to step back if he finds out anything alarming. If a person cannot do this, it means he doesn’t want to deal with any limitations. and he prefers to run away from limitations rather than deal with them.

In Summary and In Conclusion

Thus, in order to repair the nature of water-of-fire-of-earth, one needs to think before entering into an endeavor and do some research about it, to try to think of the reality that it will entail, to become aware of any of the limitations involved, and to be prepared to acknowledge those limits and take a step back when he must. This weakens the excitable nature of his fire, so that it doesn’t completely overtake him.

There are many different applications of water-of-fire-of-earth, and here we have honed in on just one of them. We have explained here how a person can have a repaired kind of water-of-fire-of-earth: bythinking and becoming aware of the bounds and limitations of a situation, from the start. This prevents one’s fire from ‘bursting out’ too much, creating a balance between the clashing elements of the water-of-fire that is within water-of-fire-of-earth.