Rosh Chodesh Avodah - 001 Nissan | Our Conversations

Nissan: Speech

The special ability in the month of Nissan (according to the Vilna Gaon) is identified as the power of speech (“sichah”).[1]

The power of speech is mainly utilized by women, as our Chazal say, that the women took ninety percent of speech, while the men only took ten percent.[2] In addition, Chazal state that in the merit of the righteous women, the Jewish nation merited to be redeemed from Egypt.

Thus, the power of speech, which is the nature of the month of Nissan, is mainly reflected in the speech of women, whose merit brought about the redemption.

With the help of Hashem, let us learn how we can utilize the soul’s power of speech.

Three Kinds of Talking

It is brought in the sefarim hakedoshim that there are generally three kinds of speech:

(1) Talking for the sake of a mitzvah (i.e. davening, or speaking with someone in order to help him); (2) Talking about matters that are not about a mitzvah, but are nonetheless necessary (such as talking about matters that we need to take care of); there is nothing wrong with this.

(3) Talking about things that are unnecessary.

Man Is A Creature of Speech

A person is called “medaber” (a social creature). The Torah calls man a ‘nefesh chayah’ (living spirit), which is interpreted by Targum Onkelos to mean “ruach memalelah” – a “talking spirit”. Speech personifies man. Thus, speech is clearly an ability in man that can be used for holiness.

Analyzing Our Conversations

Let us think about the following: How much time of a day do we spend talking, throughout the 24 hours of the day?

Once we’re thinking about that, now we need to think: What is the nature of our conversations? Are we talking about things that are a mitzvah to talk about? Are we talking about things we need to take care of? Or are we engaging in empty chatter?

Making this reflection helps us become aware of our speech and how we are conversing. Being that there are three kinds of speech (mitzvah, necessary, and unnecessary), we need to first identify these three kinds of speech in our own conversations. Most people, upon making this reflection, will discover that most of their conversations are not necessary.

When our power of speech is mostly being used for unnecessary conversations, we can let it bother us that our power of ‘medaber’ which defines man is being used for lower and unholy purposes. In fact, many of us will discover that our speech is mostly being used to speak about things that are forbidden – such as lashon hora (gossip) and rechilus (slander), and motzi shem ra (spreading false and derogatory information about others). This is even more degrading to the power of ‘medaber’ which personifies man.

Thus, the first thing we have to become aware of is to realize that most of our conversations are not utilizing the true and intended purpose of speech.

Two Kinds of Unnecessary Speech

When it comes to speaking about unnecessary matters, there are actually two kinds of this.

One example of idle speech is when people meet each other and they get into a conversation, and they talk about meaningless things. For example, when two friends meet each other in the store or on the bus, or in the street, or if a bunch of people are sitting together and chatting; they will speak about all kinds of various topics in the conversation, which are really not important to speak about.

Another example of idle speech is when a person finds himself alone, like when’s alone in the house, and he wants to relieve his loneliness, so he picks up the phone and calls a friend. This is a more idle kind of talking, because here, the person seeks the conversation and initiates the idle conversation.

In the first example of idle speech that we brought, the person encounters a situation in which he ends up talking pointlessly. It can happen when he’s with his family or when he goes to other places where he meets people, and he finds himself having pointless conversations. In the second example of idle speech that we brought, the person actively seeks a conversation with another; he deliberately places himself in that situation.

These two examples we brought are not merely two different scenarios of idle speech that can happen. They are two completely different reasons for unnecessary speech.

Why Do People Like To Chat?

Let’s analyze the first example of idle speech that we brought: when a person meets others and ends up chatting with them, speaking about pointless things.

Certainly, when a person is around other people, he should talk to them, because it is ‘derech eretz’ (proper manners) to do so. People become uncomfortable when they are with a person who isn’t engaging in a conversation. It’s considered rude and unpleasant to be completely silent around others; therefore, it is only proper that we allow ourselves to engage in conversation with others.

However, most of the time, we are not talking to others simply out of ‘derech eretz’ for them. It’s because we simply enjoy talking! There’s a certain pleasure in talking. Just as we enjoy food, so do we enjoy talking. Thus, the deeper reason of why people like to engage in idle chatter is because there is a certain pleasure in talking with others.

On a deeper level, ever since the sin of Adam, there has been pleasure in talking simply for the sake of talking, due to the negative effect of the Snake on mankind. Chazal state that all of the animals asked the Snake, “What pleasure do you have in speaking lashon hora?” [For it spoke lashon hora to Adam and Chavah]. This implies that although there is no pleasure in speaking lashon hora, there is pleasure in talking itself.

Talking In Order To Relieve Boredom and Inner Emptiness

In the second example of idle speech we brought, a person seeks a conversation with others because he is bored and he feels empty inside, so he wants to relieve his feeling of loneliness, through chatting with others.

When a person is getting anxious from the loneliness and emptiness that he is feeling, and he doesn’t know how to fill the loneliness, he will seek to fill it through external means, and one of these ways is through chatting with others. In this way, he takes his mind off his troubles.

Chazal say that “A worry in the heart of man, should be spoken to others”. When a person is worried or upset about something, he should speak to others about it in order to be able to relieve his anxiousness. Even if a person isn’t worried about anything particular, and he’s rather just feeling bored inside and a general lack of happiness towards himself, he feels a need to speak with others in order to take away his feeling of inner emptiness and boredom.

The problem with this, though, is that it causes a person to remove himself from his own inner world, as he exits himself and gets involved with the external and superficial world, via all kinds of conversation and chatting.

So we have explained that there are two motivations for talking to others: Either because there is a pleasure in talking to others, or because of loneliness, boredom and emptiness.

In Summary

To clarify, let us summarize until now [and add on some additional points, for clarification]. There is a normal and healthy need of the soul to talk to others, but the problem is when we go beyond the normal amount of talking. There are two reasons why people speak unnecessarily: because there is pleasure in talking, or because a person wants to relieve his loneliness or boredom.

Sometimes, both factors are present when we talk. When a person meets others and he ends up engaging in conversation with them, it is not always because he simply enjoys having a conversation; it can very well be because he feels bored. He feels tension when there is quietness between him and others, so he talks, in order to avoid that feeling of boredom.

Let us again emphasize that there are three motivating reasons of why we talk. Sometimes we talk when it is a mitzvah to do so, sometimes we talk in order to take care of things that are necessary, and some of our speech is unnecessary.

Defining ‘Necessary’ Speech

To clarify, ‘necessary’ speech doesn’t mean that a person will only say things so long as it takes care of something important. This cannot be, because we have a natural and healthy need to talk, and this is also considered ‘necessary’ speech. It is a need of our soul. What we are coming to address here is, that part of our speech is used for things that are totally unnecessary to talk about, and it is this part of our speech that we need to eliminate.

The Vilna Gaon says that the Torah is acquired through “less speech”, and that this means that a little bit of talking beyond what we actually need [‘schmoozing’] is in fact a ‘necessary’ kind of talking, for our basic emotional needs. Therefore, our discussion here about ‘unnecessary’ speech is only concerning speech that we don’t need; it does not apply to the basic amount of talking which we need in our life.

Elevating Our Speech

Thus, altogether, we have learned that there are really four kinds of speech: (1) Talking for the purpose of a mitzvah, (2) Talking for something necessary that we need to take care of, (3) Pleasurable talking (which is necessary for our emotional health, but it is sometimes overdone), (4) Talking out of loneliness and boredom.

Our avodah is to fix the third and fourth kinds of speech: when we talk unnecessarily and it’s beyond our normal needs for talking, and when we talk out of boredom. It is these kinds of speech which need to be fixed.

We explained that there are two kinds of unnecessary talking: talking for the sake of pleasure (when it’s beyond our normal needs), and talking out of boredom. If we analyze our unnecessary conversations, we will discover that both of these factors are usually present. The only issue is in the percentages: how much of the extra talking is being motivated by pleasure to talk, and how much of a percentage in the extra talking is coming from boredom?

Talking For Enjoyment (When It’s More Than The Usual)

When a person talks simply because it’s enjoyable (when it’s more than the usual healthy need), this is like anything else we do that’s enjoyable. People do things that are enjoyable, even if it’s not purposeful; whatever a person enjoys, he naturally does it. Even if nothing constructive comes from such talking, as long as the person is enjoying the conversation, he will continue on talking for a very long time.

We can that this kind of conversation is very common. A person goes to a wedding or a simcha, or he meets someone on a trip, and he gets into a lengthy conversation with another person he meets; it can go from being two minutes to being several hours! And it is entirely an empty conversation, with nothing of purpose that was discussed. Where does this nature stem from?

What we need to understand is that everything which Hashem created, He created it for a purpose. The purpose of Creation is often not on one’s mind; usually, a person is mainly concerned at the moment to do what he enjoys. To illustrate, a child enjoys anything that will give instant pleasure; when he plays games, he is doing so that he can enjoy the results. When he gets that enjoyment, it lasts momentarily, and then he’s onto the next thing he enjoys. So there is a deep nature in man to always seek something pleasurable at the moment. Usually, this desire for pleasure manifests in one’s speech.

With most people, their conversations are unnecessary. The conversations that most people have are for the purpose of an enjoyable conversation, and not about anything in particular that is of purpose to discuss.

But if a person reveals purpose in his life, he will begin to notice that there is no longer a need to have most of his conversations. He will realize that most conversations are empty and meaningless. The less a person is living with purpose, the more he engages in conversations that have no purpose; he can chat for hours on end, about nothing important, yet it doesn’t bother him that he is having empty conversations. Even worse, most conversations that lack purpose to them often lead to speaking about matters that are forbidden.

To summarize: the more a person lives with purpose in his life, the less he is dominated by the pleasure of the moment. His conversations will become more purposeful and ‘to the point’. In contrast, the less a person lives with purpose, the more he is drawn after what’s pleasure right now, and he will find it difficult to pull away from an enjoyable conversation that has no purpose to it.

Thoughtless Talking

We explained that there is another motivation for talking unnecessarily: when a person gets used to talking without thinking at all about what he’s saying. The Ramban says, “Think about the words [that you are about to say], before you release them from your mouth.” If we reflect, we can see that most conversations are thoughtless.

It is shocking to see, but it is very common: We can see people going on and on in their conversations, talking about topics that they have no idea about!

In the first kind of unnecessary talking that we discussed, a person might talk about things that he knows about, but it is simply a conversation that has no purpose to it. For example, a person meets someone and says to him, “I did such-and-such yesterday….Tomorrow, I plan to do such-and-such…My daughter did….My baby woke me up last night. I got up, then I walked around, then I had a drink, then I sat back down.” Conversations like this are meaningless. However, at least the person knows what he is talking about.

In the current kind of talking we are discussing, though, a person is having a lengthy conversation about matters that he really doesn’t know anything about. He has no clue about the topics he’s discussing, yet he talks about them anyway. Many times, a person will have a whole conversation in which he offers his opinions about all kinds of topics, when in reality he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

For example, he will give his opinion on politics, on how the principal should run his child’s school, his views on chinuch (child education), and on current events. It’s very possible that he has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, yet he continues to express his views on such matters. Where does this nature stem from?

It is a result of living for the pleasure of the moment. Such an orientation doesn’t allow a person to connect his thoughts with his speech. When a person doesn’t think, he cannot talk properly; thus, when people don’t think, their words sound thoughtless and meaningless. Of course, there is always some minimal thought that goes into how we speak, enough to carry a conversation, but the words will still be lacking a great degree of content. In most scenarios, the words will come out of his mouth quickly, with no involvement of thought beforehand.

There is another problem with thoughtless conversations: the quality of the conversations is often devoid of any real content.

So the more a person puts thought into his conversations, thinking before he talks [as the Ramban writes], the more he will talk with precision, and his words will be less. He won’t have to speak so much, because he is already putting content into his conversations. When a conversation has content and meaning to it, it’s impossible for a person to talk so much, for his words will be limited to speak a certain amount that is necessary.

Let’s summarize the two steps in elevating our conversations that we have spoken about until now. Most extraneous conversations that people have are being motivated for either of two reasons. Either a person is engaging in idle chatter because he is missing a sense of purpose in his life, which results in talking many words that have no purpose to them. Or, the conversations are thoughtless, because the person is simply talking without thinking beforehand of what he will talk about.

If we examine most of the conversations that go on in the world, we can see that most conversations lack purpose to them, in addition to being thoughtless, or with minimal thought from beforehand.

How To Think Before You Talk

The more a person gets used to having purposeful conversations, and he is thinking of how he can out more content into his conversations, he will see an overhaul in how he talks. He will suddenly discover an entirely new power of speech in his life.

Practically speaking, before a person knows he will have a conversation, he should think about what he will say. Let’s say a person knows he will go to a certain place and meet people there, and he will knows that he will end up ‘shmoozing’. He should prepare the conversation: what kind of subjects he will speak about, and how; and what the purpose of the conversations will be.

A person should try doing this once a day. This slowly gets a person used to speaking with thought and with purpose.

Understandably, along with this, a person also needs to lessen the amount of idle chatter in his conversations and to avoid speaking words that are thoughtless and purposeless.

[On a deeper note], getting used to this enables a person to reach the holy power of “sichah” (conversation) – to leave the “peh ra” (evil mouth) that is hinted to in the word “Pharoah”, and to instead enter into the holy kind of “sichah” – to tell over the story of the exodus for the entire night of Pesach.

Don’t Speak About Everything That Comes To Mind

There is also another fundamental point to consider: A person needs to get used to the idea of not always saying everything that comes to mind.

Just because a person has an opinion about something doesn’t require him to say it. One must know that there are things he has no understanding of, as well as things he doesn’t have that much understanding about, as well as things which he doesn’t understand at all. So just because you see a bunch of men or a bunch of women sitting together and discussing a certain topic does not require you to express your personal opinion about the subject being discussed.

A person needs to get used to talking only about things he is clear about. When a person limits his conversations to only speaking about matters that he is clear about, this will also lessen the amount of idle chatter in his conversations, because he will be speaking a lot less. When a person is used to talking so much without any restraint to his speech, he will naturally talk about all kinds of subjects, as if he knows it all. This is more than just a habit that one acquires; it is human nature for a person to talk about all kinds of topics.

So it is very important for a person to train himself to only speak about matters that he knows about, and not to speak about all kinds of topics. As Chazal say, “Teach your tongue to say, “I don’t know.”

These are the three steps we need in order to elevate our conversations: to seek purpose in our conversations, to think before we talk, and to only speak about things we know about and avoid speaking things that we don’t know about.

Conversations Caused By Boredom and Emptiness

Until now, we explained how to fix the first kind of idle chatter, which stems from a pleasure in talking. We explained the three steps we need in order to elevate our conversations.

But there is another kind of idle chatter we mentioned: when a person feels lonely, or empty, or bored, so he engages in conversation with another, to relieve his feeling of emptiness. Either he will go to a friend’s house, or he will pick up the phone and call, or he will use any of the means of communication that are available today.

This is a different kind of ‘schmoozing’ than when two people meet and they get into a conversation. Here, the person actively seeks out a person to have a conversation with. It is usually stemming from inner emptiness and boredom.

The first step to overcome this is for a person to become aware, in the first place, of the loneliness. When he’s picking up the phone to call his friend, or as he’s feeling the need to communicate, he should stop and ask himself: “Why do I want to talk to my friend now? Is there a real need for this, or is it just a desire I have?”

If a person realizes that it is more of a desire than a need, the next step is for him to analyze where this desire is coming from. Is it coming from a desire for the pleasure of talking, or is it coming from boredom? When he realizes that it is coming from boredom, he should become aware that the boredom is a sign of emptiness. If so, the communication with another that he wants is stemming from a need to fill his emptiness. But it is not really filling his emptiness – he is rather running away from it, by seeking a friend to get into a conversation with.

The first thing one must realize, then, is to become aware of his situation. After that he can work on a solution, as we will soon say (with the help of Hashem), but the very first and essential step must be that he become aware of this in the first place.

If one realizes that deep down he feels empty, he should know that this comes from a lack of satisfaction within himself. A person needs to learn how to solve his general sense of emptiness in life, but here we are not addressing this[3]. Here we are addressing how to solve conversations that stem from emptiness.

Chatting With A Friend Vs. Talking With Hashem

As we brought from the words of the Vilna Gaon, every person has a normal and healthy need to converse with others. This is necessary for peace of mind. But most of our conversations are more than the normal amount of speech that we need in order to stay emotionally healthy. The question is, how much of our speech is necessary for our peace of mind, and how much of it is unnecessary? We definitely need to ‘schmooze’ a little, and the only question is, how much.

The more a person lives an inner kind of life, he lives deeper. He lives more with the Creator in his life. He will naturally talk to Hashem a lot more. When a person is alone, and he is used to talking to Hashem, “as a man talks to his friend” (as the Mesillas Yesharim writes), he will find himself talking to Hashem a lot when he is alone. He can do so mentally or verbally. His speech will mainly be utilized to talk with Hashem, and as a result, he will feel much less of a need to speak with people.

We must know, clearly, that the desire to talk is human nature. We all have it. Most people are not talking as much with Hashem as they are used to talking with people. Talking to Hashem, by most people, is limited to the times of davening, but this is not nearly enough; often a person does not feel that he is standing in front of Hashem as he davens. A person often does not feel as he is davening that he is talking to Hashem; he thinks he is just saying words. Therefore, most people are not using their power of sichah properly, and instead, their power of sichah is turned outwards – empty chatter with others.

But the more a person is living inwardly and deeper, he is more connected with his true self, and he connects to the Creator more often. His power of sichah, for the most part, will be used towards Hashem. When he finds himself alone, instead of becoming bored and seeking a conversation with another, he will realize that being with himself means that he is with Hashem. When he feels a need to talk, he mainly talks with Hashem. This doesn’t mean he never talks to others. He talks to others too; it is just that most of his speech is directed towards talking with Hashem.

The more a person is living inwardly, he trains himself to think more. The first gain from this is that he will find that he speaks less with others, (because he is living more in the ‘world of thought’ than in a ‘world of speech’).

To Speak To Hashem, Naturally

Additionally, one must understand the following important point. We see people who can talk, talk, and talk. Human nature is that we like to talk. Women, especially, have a nature to talk; Chazal say that the women took nine out of ten measurements of speech. The only issue is what we do with all of this talking. It needs to be mainly channeled towards speaking with Hashem.

When two people meet, they can get into a conversation that lasts for hours. If a Jew truly lives with Hashem in his life, he will speak to Him a lot, throughout the day. Speaking to Hashem is not limited to the three times of the day that we daven. Nor is it limited to when we do hisbodedus (meditation). Talking to Hashem is meant for the entire day! It is to speak with Hashem, naturally; to recognize that Hashem is the partner in your life, Whom you include your whole life with[4].

This will sound very foreign to certain people when they hear it. It might even sound strange and weird. But a person only reacts that way when he isn’t used to living with the Creator in his life in a palpable sense. The more a person lives with Hashem in his life, in his heart, in his thoughts – and he feels that he is actually with Hashem, and he feels Him in his heart – he will naturally talk to Him. His power of sichah is then channeled towards its true Source.

This is the depth of the redemption from Egypt, when we were redeemed from Pharoah, from “peh ra”, the “evil mouth”, and we instead entered the holy kind of sichah. In the true way that a Jew lives life, he indeed speaks a lot – he speaks in prayer to Hashem, and in addition, he speaks a lot with Hashem throughout the day.

Of course, this does not mean to imply that a husband should lessen how much he talks with his wife, and that a wife should talk less with her husband, or that the parents should speak less with the children. This cannot be done, because it is not derech eretz, and it is not a way to live. Life requires us to speak with our family members a lot. We are only addressing the many extraneous conversations that people have, which are not necessary. It all stems from a lack of sensing Hashem in one’s life.

In Summary

To summarize, when it comes to unnecessary speech, we explained that there are two kinds.

There are conversations that stem from the pleasure to talk; in this, the way to improve is by training ourselves to speak with purpose. In the general sense, this means to live life with a sense of purpose, and on a more specific level, it means to speak with purpose: to infuse content into our conversations. It also includes thinking before we talk about what we will about, and to only talk about things we know about, as opposed to talking about things that we don’t know about.

The second kind of unnecessary speech is when a person engages in conversation because he is feeling bored or empty. The way we improve this is by speaking with Hashem whenever we find ourselves alone.

When one gets used to talking Hashem when he is alone, his life will undergo a complete overhaul. He will feel new, even more new than how a convert feels upon becoming a Jew. He will feel like he has left a narrowed kind of existence in which he was living disparate from the Creator, and that instead he has entered a world in which he lives together with Hashem, connected with Him.

Every person needs to get used to talking with Hashem, simply, and earnestly. Sometimes we talk to Him from the depths of our heart, and sometimes less. But in either situation, we need to train ourselves to always talk to Hashem, on a regular basis. We can talk to Hashem verbally or mentally.

Understandably, talking to Hashem needs to be done sensibly and only when it is not disrespectful to others to do so. The point is that a Jew needs to get used to living life this way, in which he lives with Hashem and he speaks with Him on a regular basis. His nature of sichah is then turned towards the Creator.

In Conclusion

This is the meaning behind the redemption from Egypt. May we merit with the help of Hashem to speak words of holiness, to tell over the story of the exodus, to speak to others properly, both in our family life as well as towards our friends, neighbors, and those we know.

Even more so, may we merit that our power of speech mainly be used to speak with Hashem, to connect to Him completely – which will make our speech true and holy.

***

Questions And Answers With The Rav

QUESTION: What exactly is the power of a woman to talk (since they took ninety percent of speech), more than a man?

ANSWER: Since a woman’s heart is [generally] more opened than a man’s heart, she can speak more easily from her heart to Hashem.

QUESTION: If a woman is very reserved and doesn’t like to talk to her neighbors, and instead spends her time reading books all the time (I know such a person), does that come from an emotional problem (since a woman by nature likes to talk), or does it come from avoiding idle chatter?

ANSWER:It depends. Some people have a more reserved nature and don’t like to get into lengthy conversations, and they only talk out of derech eretz. They will say “Hello” or “Good morning”, but they don’t like to get into conversations. This can also be because some women are more intellectual by nature, and would rather spend their time reading than talking. But if a woman doesn’t like to talk to people, it might come from an emotional issue that she has which needs to be addressed. It could be that she is very afraid what others think of her, and she has an unhealthy fear of people which she must work to get rid of.

QUESTION: When someone insults another person or talks to hurt people, from where does this come from in a person? Which kind of speech is this included in – talking out of enjoyment (because the person enjoys hurting someone) or out of inner emptiness?

ANSWER: When a person talks, he reveals what’s going on inside his pnimiyus. Since we are made up of good and bad, the bad inside a person is revealed by how he talks, and that is why a person can talk to harm another person. Part of what’s going on deep down needs to be fixed and dealt with.

QUESTION: If I’m talking to a close friend and we are just talking mutually, isn’t that a mitzvah of chessed?

ANSWER: We do not mean that a person has to measure every single word that comes out of his mouth. It is impossible to live like this. A father who talks to his child only about what’s absolutely necessary is sorely lacking in his relationship with his child. A husband and wife who only talk with each other about what’s absolutely necessary is not a way to live together. In every relationship, it’s necessary also to talk things that are unnecessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship. We are not saying that a person has to have “exact” speech and only speak what’s necessary; this is an impossible way to live. We are just saying that many times, we speak about unnecessary things that have no benefit whatsoever, speech which doesn’t contribute to a relationship. This is a fine line we need to think about: what is considered small talk that is necessary for a relationship, and what is considered small talk that is unnecessary.

QUESTION: If a woman has a certain nature to be very outgoing and friendly, does she have to work on uprooting her nature? For example, if someone has a daughter who is very talkative, does she have to train her daughter not to talk so much?

ANSWER:We cannot tell our child exactly how much to talk. We cannot tell a child, “Don’t talk more than 30 minutes every day with someone.” We just need to give them over a general message, that we need to make our conversations more meaningful and not to always talk mindlessly.

QUESTION: If a woman is more intellectual and doesn’t like to talk so much, does that mean that something is wrong with her heart and that she needs to open up her heart more?

ANSWER:This is a deep question. Generally speaking, a woman’s heart is more open than a man’s heart, and therefore a woman has a nature to talk more with Hashem about her feelings more than a man does. But although this is a rule, there do exist exceptions to the rule. There are some men whose hearts have been opened up much more than most women, and there are some women who are more intellectual than others. If a woman is more of an intellectual and has a hard time talking out her feelings, it might be that she is an exception to the rule, and it is merely upon her to learn how to speak out her thoughts. But no matter how intellectual a woman is, every woman is still a woman, and she has a heart which she can access if she works to get there. A more intellectual kind of a woman might have a harder time getting to her heart, but she still has a heart in her, and she can work to get to it.

But, it can also come from an emotional issue that she has, or it can come from a difficult time she is going through, like if there are major problems in her marriage or in her house. These are emotional problems which can all be dealt with, and it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with her natural heart.