Inner World of the Bas Yisrael - 005 Discerning Our Motivations - Part 2

(Summary: In the previous two lessons, we discussed, with siyata d’shmaya, how a person can gain a connection to the inner self. It was explained that there are two essential stages in connecting to the self: by way of one’s strongest good desires, and by way of one’s personality traits. Until now we have explained the first stage: connecting to the inner self by way of our strongest good desires. We learned that a person should take apart his various actions and examine what his motivations were in doing them. One needs to become aware of all the different possible motivations that people can have in doing a certain action, and one also needs to become aware of which reason personally motivated him to do something. This is how one can gain train oneself to learn about the various factors that motivated him to do something, and this exercise enables a person to recognize and clarify his personal motivations.)

Three Different Reasons Why We Act

If one reflects about the words that were said so far in the previous lessons, and thinks about them and tries to put them into practice, one will identify that there are certainly other factors besides for our will, which are motivating us to do certain things. In any person, there are generally three possible motivations in doing anything. That is what we will be explaining about in this lesson.

The first motivating factor in our actions, as mentioned until now, is our ratzon (will). The second motivating factor in our actions is when we simply feel coerced to do so, because we have no choice to do otherwise. A third motivating factor in our actions is the force of habit. The prophet called it melumadah, when we act “by rote”, and it is whenever we do anything simply out because we are used to doing it and therefore we do it habitually.

These three factors are all relevant to the event of the giving of the Torah and to studying Torah. By the giving of the Torah, the entire people received the Torah willingly, when they said Naaseh V’Nishmah, “We will do, and we will hear.” From this we see that their will was present in their action of receiving the Torah. Yet, the Torah was also forced upon them. Chazal state that Hashem suspended the mountain over their heads, and said to them, “If you will accept the Torah here, good. If not, you will be buried under this mountain.”[1] This was the aspect of being forced to accept the Torah. In the blessing over the Torah, we say, “And make us accustomed to Your Torah”. This is the force of habit, when it comes to our Torah learning.

These three factors – will, coercion, and habit – are all present in our receiving of the Torah. With regards to our personal actions as well, these three factors are also motivating us: we are either doing something because we want to do it, or because we are forced to do it, or because we do it out of habit.

The Force of Habit

When we reflect about the actions we do, we can see that a large amount of our actions which is done out of habit, because we have been educated to do these actions. Sometimes we have no understanding and no desire to do certain actions, and it is just that we have gotten used to doing them. Or, at first we began to do these actions because we wanted to do them, but gradually it became second nature for us to do it, to the point that we are only doing these actions habitually. The power of habit is very dominant in a large amount of people.

Internal Habit and External Habit

Within the power of habit itself, there is internal habit (the deep nature of the soul) and external habit (habits that have been learned).

Internal habit is whatever a person does because it is within his nature. This is an even deeper motivating factor than the faculty of the will. To give an idea of it, fire will burn and wind will move, not because these forces want to do so, but because it is their nature. So too, at the root of the soul, there is a nature of the soul, to act in a holy manner.

As mentioned earlier, there is a level of Torah study in which learns Torah out of a deep desire for the Torah, to the point that it becomes part of his nature to learn Torah. This is what we mention each day in the blessing over the Torah, “And accustom us to Your Torah.”  This, understandably, is applicable only to men, but the idea can also be applied on a general level to all people, because there are certain actions we do simply because it is our nature to do them. When a person acts from a deep place in his soul, this is a holy habit. Understandably, this is a very high level, and we will not talk about it here.

Here we will be examining our external habits, meaning, the actions that we do because we have become used to doing them, and not because it is our nature to do them. 

External (or learned) habits cause a person to act without thinking. In addition, actions performed out of habit are not done out of a conscious will, either totally or for the most part. When a person is doing a lot of actions out of habit, without thinking about what he is doing and without wanting to do them, he becomes disconnected from innerness, from his will and from his thoughts, and his actions are performed no different than a monkey.

A large amount of people perform actions which they are not really connected to. Their inner state, their soul, is asleep, and therefore they do not feel connected to what they do. This is like a sleeping person, who moves around his hands and feet in his sleep, but who is not aware of these movements. A person even while being fully awake might also not be aware of what he is doing, because he is only acting out of external habit. The more that a person is dominated by external habit in his actions, the less connected he will be to the actions that he does. Whenever he acts, he is essentially leaving himself and entering into habit. This is also referred to as acting out of “instinct.”

In the previous lesson, we explained that a person can gain an inner connection to his true self through clarifying his motivations. The power of habit is therefore the complete antithesis to this, because it covers over a person’s will and conceals it.

Making A List of Actions Performed Out of Habit

It is therefore recommended that every person write down a list of actions that he does, and to identify which actions are done solely out of habit.

In the previous lesson, it was explained that each person needs to reflect into his actions and discover all the reasons that would motivate him to act, and which reasons were personally motivating him. Now we will add on another point for a person to reflect on: “Did I do something (either all of it, or most of it) out of habit, and not because I wanted to do it?” Even if it was a proper action, and even if was a mitzvah, we should identify if we were being motivated by habit.

The more that a person identifies the actions that he is doing out of habit, one will gain clearer self-awareness about the power of habit which is motivating us in our actions. This very awareness is the first step.

The second step is that after we have identified any actions that were done out of habit, we need to think if we wanted to do it or not. If we discover that we did not want to do something at all (for example, if it was something unnecessary), we should refrain from doing that action. If we discover that did want to do something, we should try to become consciously aware of our will in order to do something, so that our will to do it will overpower our habit to do it.

Gradually, we can lessen the force of habit in our actions. We can examine all of the actions that we do, and we can discover that we longer need to do certain actions, since we have now become aware that we have no desire to do these actions. As for the actions that we do out of habit, we can now being to make sure that we will be doing those actions with awareness and out of a will to do, as opposed to merely acting habitually. That is how we can bring our will to the forefront of our actions, where our will had previously only been in the background.

The Force of Coercion

Now we will examine the second motivation that exists in our actions: the force of coercion (whenever we feel forced to do something, because we have no other choice).

As mentioned, there are actions we do because want to do them, and there are also actions we do because they are absolutely necessary for us to do and therefore we have no other choice. What makes an action necessary to do?

One kind of action is obligatory, which a person must do because he is being commanded to do so, and if he doesn’t do it he will get punished [i.e. the mitzvos]. This is a kind of action which a person feels forced to do, and this is how people feel about a large percentage of their actions. However, if we think more about this, we can see that there are many things which seem necessary, but in reality, they are not always necessary to do. Rather, we do some of these actions because we are strongly motivated to do them. Even when it comes to the actions that are necessary for us to do, we also do them because we are strongly motivated in doing them.

People are not that precise when it comes to defining which actions are absolutely necessary to do and which actions are not, and therefore they end up doing certain actions because they really want to do them, and they will say that they “have to” do it.

Am I Eating Because I Need To Eat, Or Because I Want To Eat?

Let’s think about the following example which is very common: Eating. Is a person eating because he really needs to, or because he wants to?

On a simple level, it seems that a person eats because he needs to. After all, if a person doesn’t eat, he will die. But there are also other reasons why a person eats. A person eats because he wants to. Either it is because he wants to live, or it is because he is more spiritual and he wants to do the will of Hashem, Who has commanded us to take care of our health and to sustain ourselves.

Thus, a person doesn’t always eat because he has to. It is within his choice to eat or not to eat, and when he chooses to eat it is either because he doesn’t want to die or because he wants to do the will of Hashem that he should sustain of himself. If a person would eat only because he has to, there would be no possibility of choosing to eat or not. It wouldn’t be up to his choice at all. When can we consider an act of eating to be forced upon a person? The only case would be like a case in the Gemara where a person is forced to eat matzah, where someone opens his mouth and forces the matzah down his throat. But in a normal act of eating, there is a possibility either for a person to eat and sustain himself, or to withhold from eating and die. When a person is choosing to eat because he wants to keep himself alive, we cannot consider this eating to be forced upon him.

In addition, even when people do need to eat, at the same time, they also want to eat. So eating is an act that is not done entirely out of being forced to eat. Every person wants to eat. Some people are on a very high spiritual level and they do not wish to eat at all, and they desire instead to abstain entirely from materialism. Those people only eat in order to stay alive, but otherwise they have no desire to eat. However, most people have a desire to eat. They want to feel satisfied from their food and they want to enjoy its taste. So most people are eating not because they have no other choice, and not only because they want to eat, but for two reasons: because they must eat, and also because they want to eat.

The avodah of most people, then, is to reflect into their actions and to identify, according to their understanding, any actions which they have no other choice in. Then one should think if these actions are absolutely necessary for him to do, or he does them because he strongly desires to do the actions (which causes him to think that he has no other choice but to do the action). In addition, after identifying actions aren’t absolutely necessary for us to do, which are done because we desire strongly to do them, we should then identify if there are any other motivations to do those actions. We will discover that almost all actions we do which we feel are absolutely necessary for us to do are also really done out of a strong want or desire, and often there are other accompanying desires as well, which are motivating us.

Am I Sleeping Because I Need To Eat, Or Because I Want To Eat?

Let’s reflect on an additional example, in order to bring out the idea here better. When a person goes to sleep, is this because he has no other choice other than to go to sleep, or is it because he wants to sleep?

It is clear that a person cannot survive if he doesn’t sleep. The Gemara says that if a person swears that he will not sleep for three consecutive days, Beis Din gives him lashes because he has made an oath in vain, since it is impossible to keep his oath. This is because it is not possible to go for three days in a row without sleep. At some point, the person will fall asleep, against his will.

Unlike eating, where we have the choice not to eat (and thereby starve), there is no way to avoid falling asleep. Even if a person would try to go without sleep and force his eyes to stay open, he will not be able to do this for more than three days. On the third day, he will definitely nod off and fall asleep. Thus, sleep is an absolute necessity for a person’s survival and a person has no choice other than to sleep. However, does this mean that when a person goes to sleep, is this always done because he is forced to? Clearly, we don’t only go to sleep when we need to. If we would, then we wouldn’t fall asleep until three days have passed, when it is no longer possible to go without sleep. But we go to sleep much earlier than the three day limit.

Therefore, let’s think: Whenever we go to sleep, what is motivating us? Possibly, it is because we have no other choice, and we need to sleep. If we don’t sleep, we will be tired the next day and we won’t be able to focus well or perform properly. However, this does not make sleep absolutely necessary for us. All it means is that we very much want to go to sleep. We have the option of pushing off sleep until sometime later. We can go a day without sleep, or even two days, and be tired. But we don’t want to be tired, because this won’t be good for us, and it will also affect others, so we don’t push off sleep. In the end, sleep is certainly close to being an act that we have no other choice in, but we are still not completely forced to do it.

Upon reflection, we can discover that a large amount of people sleep not only because they need to be energized and to stay alert, but because they want to sleep. People have many reasons why they want sleep. Some people sleep because they need relaxation. There are other reasons as well, which can motivate a person to go to sleep.

So far, we have seen how going to sleep is either done because: (1) We have an absolute necessity to sleep, because we have no other choice. (2) It is close to absolute necessity for us to sleep, because if we don’t sleep, this will have detrimental effects on us. (3) We want to sleep.

Becoming  Aware of Our Personal Motivations Leads Us To Self-Awareness

So far, we have given two examples (eating and sleep), and understandably, any person can come up with more examples, of the idea here.

Our avodah here is to examine the various actions that we do and to identify if we are doing them because we have no other choice, or because it is detrimental to us when we don’t do those actions, or because we have some other motivation in doing it.

We can safely say that in almost all cases, every action that we think is absolutely necessary for us to do and which we have no other choice in, is usually accompanied by other motivations when we do it. As mentioned in the previous lesson, there is never one motivation in anything that we do. There always several motivations in doing something. We need to become consciously aware of all our motivations in doing something.

The more we recognize our personal motivations in doing something, the more we will become aware of what we want, and then we will be more connected to the actions that we want to do. This will also make us become more connected with our own inner selves.

In Summary

We shall provide a summary of the lesson until this point.

First we divided our motivations in our actions into three different parts: 1) Actions that we do because we have a desire to do them. 2) Actions that we do out of habit. 3) Actions that we do because we have no other choice.

In the previous lesson, we discussed more about the first kind of action, an action that we do because we have a desire to do it.

In this lesson, we discussed actions done out of habit, and how a person should identify and recognize the force of habit in his actions, and to think if his actions are being done out of a desire to do them or not. If one discovers that he does not really want to do certain actions, he should refrain from doing those actions. If he discovers that he does want to do certain actions, he should begin to do them with the awareness that he wants to do them.

We also discussed in this lesson about actions that are done because we have no other choice. We explained that when it comes to these actions, a person should clarify if he really has to do certain actions and it is not really possible for him not to do those actions, or if it is because he strongly wants to do them and therefore he is choosing to do them. (Chazal speak of a case where a person was forced to do a sin, but at the same time he also desired to do it. There is an argument in Chazal if this is regarded as an act of coercion or if it is regarded as a willful act.)

Whether we are acting out of will, habit, or coercion, we have shown in this lesson that there is always an underlying will that is motivating us to act. The will is at the root of all our actions, and therefore we can always discover that there is always some willing motivation in whatever we do. The point of this analysis is to become aware of our will, so that we can become more connected with our will and, accordingly, to become more connected with our internal world.

Deep Down, We Want To Do Hashem’s Will

Let us now reflect a little further and see that although there are some actions which seem to be absolutely necessary, and seemingly a person does them unwillingly and not out of a choice, we can still a detect a subtle willingness on the person’s part to do these actions.

Consider the following. If a person would ask his friend to force him to do something, and his friend forces him to do it, wouldn’t we all agree that he is not really forcing himself to do this action? He requested that his friend force him, and his request was made willingly. So although it appears that he is being forced, that is only on the external level. On the internal level, the person is not being forced. He was willing to do it.

The above was just a parable to the lesson that we want to bring out from this. The lesson is deep, and subtle. Chazal state that all of the creations agreed to be created. Hashem asked the creations if they want to be created, and they said, “Yes”.[2] Thus, every existing creation had a willingness to be created. How do we reconcile this with the statement in Chazal that “It was against your will that you were created, it was against your will that you are alive, and it is against your will that you die, and against your will you will give an accounting”[3], which implies that we were created against our will?

We can reconcile these two contradicting statements with, “It is our will to do Your will, but the ‘yeast in the sourdough’ (the yetzer hora) prevents us.”[4] So while it is true that Hashem’s will forced us to be created, we each have an inner will to do the Creator’s will, and this inner will is deeply ingrained in each Jew’s neshamah. Therefore, each of us deep down has an inner will to do the Creator’s will. Although Divine Providence arranges that we do everything, and Hashem wills it this way, it is also true that a person wants to be forced to do the will of Hashem! For “It is our will to do Your will.”

We were forced to be created, but at the same time we also wanted to be coerced into being created. We have the inner will to do the Creator’s will – it is just covered over and concealed from our conscious awareness. We find a similar concept in the Gemara that if a person needs to give a bill of divorce to his wife and he doesn’t want to, the court forces him to give it, until he says, “I want to give it.”[5] The Rambam[6] explains that he is not simply being forced to say something that isn’t true. Rather, it is because deep down, every soul wants to do the will of the Creator. This inner will can become covered over due to a person’s other interests. When a person is forced, it is only so that he can raise his inner will into his conscious awareness.

Thus, besides for becoming aware of how we have a willingness to do something even while we have no choice but to do it (i.e. when it comes to doing the mitzvos), we should also believe that even when we must do something that we have no other choice in, it is only on an external level that we have no choice. On the inner level, our soul wants to do the will of Hashem, and our soul even wants to be forced into doing the will of Hashem.

In Conclusion

We identified three motivations in our actions: Will, coercion, and habit.

We need to recognize and identify our “will” in all our actions. We should become aware of our willingness to do something, which includes all of the personal motivations that we have in our actions. After we have identified how our will is present in our actions, we then need to become consciously aware of our will, and to act from awareness to our will. The result of this will be that we will be acing from a deeper place, from our will, and we will thereby becoming more connected with our inner self. Our actions are like the outer wrapping of our inner will, which stems from our very essence.

An additional gain of this is that we will be actualizing our will, through our actions. We will be activating our will from its potential state. By revealing our will, we will come closer to the revelation of our inner self.

May it will be the will of Hashem that all of the Jewish people should reveal how “It is our will to do Your will”, and when this will happen completely, we will have the complete rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash, which will be the completion of Hashem’s will.