Tefillah - 050 How Learning Gemara Brings You Closer To Hashem

Learning Torah: Connecting Ourselves To Hashem’s Wisdom

אתה חונן לאדם דעת – “You bestow man with understanding." We are asking Hashem in this blessing for understanding in Torah.

We are talking to Hashem in first-person, אתה, “You”, just as we said in the previous two blessings ofאתה קדוש , “You are holy” and  אתה גיבור, “You are mighty.” We see from this that when a person davens to Hashem, he should talk to Him no less than how he talks to a friend. As the Mesillas Yesharim says, that when we daven to Hashem, it should feel like “a person talking to his friend”.

In this blessing, we ask Hashem for understanding in Torah, and we ask it specifically in terms of first-person, אתה. This also shows us that there is a deep connection between Torah and Hashem. Chazal state, “Hashem and His wisdom (the Torah) are one.” When we learn Torah, we are learning the wisdom of Hashem.

Besides for the fact that learning Torah helps us know how to act l’maaseh [in the Halachic and mitzvah sense], which is a discussion for itself, our Torah learning is necessary even when we are learning parts of Torah that have no practical relevance in our daily life. As Chazal say, “Learn it, and get reward.” This is because the Torah is the chochmah, the wisdom of Hashem, and we are meant to connect to that great wisdom[1]. It was the wisdom that Hashem used to create the world with, as Chazal state: “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world.”

The Torah is called the “bris”, the covenant, which Hashem made with us. Through the Torah, we are connected to Hashem. “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world” – thus, our whole existence is due to the Torah. Everything stems from the Torah; there is nothing in Creation which did not come from the Torah. And Hashem is revealed to us through the Torah.

However, although Hashem is revealed to us through the Torah, there are certainly levels to this revelation. A person who learns Torah on a lower spiritual level does not attain as much revelation of Hashem as a person who learns Torah on a higher spiritual level. It doesn’t compare.

How Does Learning Gemara Bring Us Closer To Hashem?

Learning Torah is essentially about connecting the self to Hashem.

One of the questions I hear many times – sometimes it is asked by Baalei Teshuvah who are still at the beginning of their way, and sometimes it is even asked by people who grew up frum who are doing some research into the words of Chazal - is this question: “How is it possible to become close to Hashem through learning the discussions of Abaye and Rava [in the Talmud]…?”

People can relate to learning Gemara that has to do with halacha l’maaseh, because by learning halacha, you know how to act properly in life, and that in turn brings you closer to Hashem. But when it comes to learning Gemara that doesn’t have to do with halacha l’maaseh, such as the arguments of Abaye and Rava, many people have a hard time wondering how it can lead a person to reaching closeness with Hashem.

How, indeed, does debating a piece of Gemara bring a person to HaKadosh Baruch Hu?

Hashem Is Found In the Torah

We must know, clearly, that the light of Hashem is found and hidden in the Torah. If a person learns Torah and he tries as hard as he can to learn it properly, learning it with kedushah (holiness), taharah (purity), and yashrus (honesty) with a desire to get to the truth – if he has tried his hardest and he has done all he can, he will definitely get to the Torah, and he will also get to Hashem, Who is found in the Torah.

To illustrate, if you see a present that is wrapped in paper, do you wonder how it can be that something is inside it, just because you don’t see the inside? There is a wrapping, and there is something inside it. So too, within the Torah, Hashem is found there. But if we remain outside of it, we never enter it, and then we won’t find Hashem in our learning, just like a person who never opens up the wrapping of his present.

Hashem is found in the Torah, and therefore, He is concealed and hidden from one who does not learn Torah, because such a person has never enters the Torah; he is outside of the Torah. Even those who do learn Torah don’t always “enter” it - thus, not everyone who learns Torah finds Hashem there.

But when one exerts himself in Torah with truth, purity, and holiness – as much as he can, as well as with a little more than his natural abilities – he merits to penetrate into the depth of the Torah, deeper and deeper. 

However, this does not apply to someone who learns Torah purely on a purely intellectual and superficial level for the sake of gaining more knowledge. Learning Torah on a true level means to involve both our intellect and heart in it, which enables the soul to really enter it.

As long as a person is learning Torah only intellectually, and he only speaks of it superficially, although he might know a lot of Torah, he has not yet entered its depth. But one who truly brings his soul into his Torah learning, learning it with purity, holiness, and temimus (earnestness) – he merits to enter deep into the Torah, and he merits to see the light of Hashem within the Torah.

Entering The Torah

When a person is at the beginning of his way, the ‘light of Hashem’ is not revealed to him, so he doesn’t see it in his Torah learning.

The Chazon Ish writes in a letter about learning Torah, that “the main thing is, to know before Whom you are exerting yourself.” However, I don’t think this means that a person must aspire for this as he is actually learning Torah. Rather, the way to get to such an awareness of Hashem’s Presence is only through learning lishmah (for pure motivations). From exerting oneself in Torah lishmah, one can get to the awareness of seeing Hashem in front of him as he learns, as a byproduct of lishmah.

At first, when a person begins to exert himself in Torah, it is difficult at first, because at the beginning stage, a person is very attached and grounded to the physical and material aspect of This World. It is therefore very hard to ‘see Hashem’ in one’s learning. Indeed, Hashem is hidden and concealed. But that is only true at the beginning of one’s way, when everything looks obscure.

After a person has gone for a while trying as hard he can to exert himself in Torah, and he keeps persevering, he enters the contents of the Torah, entering it fully; and then everything changes.

A person has to fully enter the Torah - not just to “partially” enter it. As the Kotzker Rebbe said, Torah learning is like entering the mikveh. Either you’re in it totally, or it’s as if you’re not in it at all. Even one hair outside the mikveh makes it an invalid immersion; so too, one has to immerse his entire being into his Torah learning, in order to really enter it. A person has to fully enter his Torah learning, with his whole heart and mind - and then he will merit the “pure heart” that Hashem created us with; he will then reach the spiritual light contained in the Torah.

If a person is exerting himself in learning Torah yet he doesn’t feel like he is getting closer to Hashem through it, it shows that his motivations need to be examined. It is a sign that something must be impure in his intentions of learning Torah, and this needs to be fixed.[2]

All of this is yet the beginning stage of entering the Torah; there is more that must come after this, even after one has purified his motivations in learning. But even if a person has some ulterior motivations in his learning, as long as he’s entering the Torah fully with his whole mind and heart, with purity and holiness and a desire for truth, as we said earlier – he will surely be able to come to have a palpable sense of Hashem in his Torah learning.

Learning ‘Gemara’ Vs. Learning ‘Agadta’

However, there are levels within levels of the revelation of Hashem in one’s Torah learning. There are parts to the Torah in which a person can clearly recognize Hashem in it, and there are other parts to the Torah in which a person will have to work hard to see Hashem in it. Chazal say, “If you desire to recognize Your Creator, learn the words of Agadah (homiletics)[3]”, and then you will come to recognize Him.”

However, does learning Agadta always cause a person to feel closer to Hashem? Usually, people who immerse themselves in learning Agadta become confused, and they stumble. Why does this happen?

If a person learns the discussions of Abaya and Rava in the Gemara and he’s not seeing Hashem in his learning, it will not be replaced by learning Agadta. A person cannot come to feel closer to Hashem unless he exerts himself deeply in the words of Abaye and Rava.

When a person learns Agadta, the words are discussing how we can become closer to Hashem, and it seems that we are becoming closer to Hashem as we learn the words even on a superficial level. But if we remain at the level of Agadta and we don’t exert ourselves in Abaye and Rava, we will probably fool ourselves and think that only through learning Agadta can a person recognize Hashem in his learning.

There are many people who think that learning a several mussar sefarim in-depth can bring a person to feel closer to Hashem and have a greater recognition of Hashem. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about sefer Derech Hashem, or Kuzari, or any of the other sefarim; even if one learns all of these sefarim 3 times, and even if he learns them very in-depth, learning sefarim alone does not bring a person to recognize Hashem!

Although Chazal said that learning Agadta can bring a person to recognize Hashem, this is matter which we will need to clarify. When misunderstood, it can cause many misconceptions about learning. This is because when a person learns only Agadta matters, and he does not exert himself enough in classical Gemara debates of Abaye and Rava, even he claims that he feels closer to Hashem through his learning, his understanding of Agadta is entirely an intellectual perception of the information; he is imagining that he is becoming closer to Hashem.

It is very possible that he will remain his whole life on that level of superficial perception, thinking that he has reached the pinnacle of what it means to ‘recognize’ Hashem. He might even be an expert in many sefarim which discuss Agadta, and he might even know those sefarim very well, but his knowledge of the matters is really superficial.

If someone exerts himself in the words of Abaye and Rava, though, he can penetrate into an inner place of understanding, where Hashem is found. But when someone only learns Agadta, or if someone only learns mussar sefarim, he imagines that is close to Hashem, while he is really fooling himself. His entire understanding of what he learns is superficial, because he hasn’t learned enough real Gemara yet.

In fact, there are many people who are learning too many mussar sefarim and they are going way beyond their emotional capacity in doing so. Then they imagine that they are getting closer and closer to Hashem through all of this kind of learning.

In order to have a real and inner recognition of Hashem, one needs exertion in Torah, to enter the Torah, to be fully immersed in it. For this reason, every part of Torah that a person immerses himself in can give a person an entirely new recognition of Hashem.

Of course, Agadta matters discuss spirituality, and therefore the light of Hashem is more easily revealed through learning about these matters, as Chazal say. But at the beginning of a person’s way in learning, a person cannot see this spiritual light through learning Agadta, and his understanding of Agadta matters is superficial, because he hasn’t yet exerted himself to understand the classical Gemara debates of Abaye and Rava.

‘Hakarah’\Recognition

In order to really recognize spiritual matters, a person needs to develop the power of ‘hakarah’, which the Chovos HaLevovos describes as something that takes a lot of exertion to acquire.

Hakarah is not acquired through mere hisbonenus (reflection) into the ways of Hashem and into tikkun hamiddos (character improvement). Rather, hakarah comes to a person who purifies himself internally, which reveals his essence to him; this, in turn, enables a person to recognize the Creator.

When we reflect into our history of our previous Gedolim, we can see that there were two different paths of Gedolim. Some Gedolim reached great recognition of Hashem through exertion in Torah learning, with mesirus nefesh (self-sacrifice), whereas other Gedolim reached recognition of Hashem through learning much Agadta and mussar in-depth. Either way involved great mesirus nefesh; they applied themselves fully to what they were learning. Thus they merited assistance from Heaven to get to all of their great perception of Hashem and arrive at a true hakarah of Hashem, amidst their learning.

Going Beyond The ‘Inspiration’ Level

When a person hears a mussar shmuess (lecture on self-improvement), like if he is used to going to a shmuess once or twice a week (it doesn’t matter how much), or if he reads a sefer during mussar seder and he thinks a little into the words, this is only a means to save oneself from becoming totally asleep. It doesn’t bring a person to the desired place he is supposed to reach.[4]

‘On’ The Heart Vs. ‘In’ The Heart

In order to reach the place we are supposed to reach, we must fully enter what we learn about, and put our entire soul into it. There are areas of Torah which require full immersion of daas (human and logical understanding), and other areas require us to use the depth of our lev (heart). When we are applying both our intellect and heart in our learning, we enter the Torah deeply.

There is a saying of the Kotzker zt”l that there are two levels: “on” our heart (“al levavecha”) and “in” our heart (b’levavecha). In the beginning of a person’s way, a person only has the words of Torah to be “on” his heart; it is not yet “in” his heart. If he merits it, a person’s heart becomes opened - “Open my heart to Your Torah” - and then the words of Torah that were “on” his heart can then go “in” to his heart.

A whole new understanding of Torah is reached there; a whole new depth is uncovered, and from there, a person can recognize Hashem amidst his learning. As the Chazon Ish says, “A new gate is opened, in which the intellect revels in endless bliss.”

In the beginning of one’s learning, he has some knowledge of Torah, and he also has some recognition of Hashem in his learning, but it still superficial at that point.

‘Chadrei HaLev – The Chambers of the Heart’

Man contains daas in his brain (intellect), as well as daas in his heart[5]. It is written, “B’daas chadarim yimaleiun” - “With daas, rooms are filled.” These rooms are called ‘chadrei halev’, the “chambers of the heart” – there are deeper and deeper corridors to pass through, as we penetrate more and more into our spiritual heart.

As long as a person hasn’t yet opened up his chadrei halev, he can only identify feelings and inspiration of his heart; he doesn’t know what the concept of ‘chadrei halev’ is, even when he hears about it. He might be aware of the feeling of loving Hashem, of fear of Hashem, of inspiration, and he knows what it means to daven a good tefillah, but he doesn’t know how there can be more to the “heart” than this.

But all of the feelings and inspiration we know of are not yet the depth of our heart. They are “on” our heart, which is only the superficial level of the heart; they are not yet “in” the heart.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth anything. If it would be nothing, then it wouldn’t be called ‘daas on the heart’; it would be daas of the brain, which hasn’t gotten to the heart at all. But the level of “on” the heart, which is certainly a level of the heart, is when a person has feelings and inspiration for being close to Hashem, and it is just that he hasn’t yet opened his heart to explore the rooms that are deep within it.

When the ‘chambers of the heart’ of man become opened, a person goes deeper and deeper into his heart, past another gate and another gate, until he gets the innermost point. There, in the innermost chamber of the heart, a person can comes to the place in him which can fully recognize Hashem.

There are 600,000 souls in the Jewish people, and each soul can say, “This is my G-d, and I will glorify Him.” Each person can come to his own unique recognition of Hashem, because each person can see through the light of his specific soul. Chazal say that in the future, all tzaddikim will point to Hashem and say, “This is my G-d.”

When a person reaches the very depths of his soul, the innermost chamber of his heart, there, he can clearly recognize the One who created this world.

Bringing Hashem Into Our Learning

Based upon this, now let us try to understand the tefillah of אתה חונן לאדם דעת.

When a person learns Torah, he must realize that are not meant to learn Torah for the sake of ourselves. We must learn Torah because it is Hashem’s Torah and we are learning His wisdom, for “Hashem and His wisdom are one.”

When one learns Torah without a recognition of Hashem in his life, this is like disconnecting the Torah from its root. The Torah is all the embodiment of Hashem’s wisdom; if Torah is learned without a sense of Hashem in one’s life, a person is disconnected from Hashem even as he learns Torah.

As we know, the Nefesh HaChaim writes that as one is actually learning Torah, he should not be thinking about Hashem or ponder about his relationship with Him; it is the time to learn Torah. However, a person needs to ask himself: When I have to stop learning, like when I get up from my sefer - do I feel Hashem more?

If the answer is “No”, then it means that a person is living a life that is far from Hashem. It is not his great attachment to learning Torah in-depth that has caused him to forget about Hashem. It is because his entire lifestyle and mindset is disconnected from HaKadosh Baruch Hu!!

The Nefesh HaChaim’s words are concerning a person who normally feels Hashem in his life when he’s not learning, and when he learns Torah he’s not thinking about Hashem because he is immersed in what he’s learning.

In contrast, the Nefesh HaChaim’s words do not apply to someone who never feels Hashem in his life at all. Such a person lives a life of total hesech hadaas from Hashem, and this is not what the Nefesh HaChaim had in mind. His Torah learning continues his hesech hadaas (absence of mind) from Hashem. Such a person, when he learns is simply disconnected from Hashem, and it’s not because he is so focused and concentrated on his learning.

The View of the “Nefesh HaChaim” Vs. The View of the “Yoisher Divrei Emes”

Our life must be a life that is connected with Hashem.

The Nefesh HaChaim writes that right before one begins to learn Torah, he should awaken thoughts of yirah (awe of Hashem), and in addition, every person has permission to interrupt his learning every so often in order to awaken thoughts of yirah again. In this way, a person keeps reminding himself of Hashem in the midst of learning.

The sefer Yoisher Divrei Emes, and others, argued on the Nefesh HaChaim: they are of the view that even while a person is learning Torah, he must always bear in mind Hashem’s presence, and never have even a short period of hesech hadaas from Hashem.

Each beis midrash in Klal Yisrael follows either the view of the Nefesh HaChaim or the Yoisher Divrei Emes, and each has their specific tradition to follow.

But it should be noted that even according to the opinion of the Nefesh HaChaim, one still has to awaken his fear of Hashem before he learns, and in addition, he needs to interrupt his learning every so often to think about Hashem. The Nefesh HaChaim’s view is that a person can have a temporary hesech hadaas from Hashem as he is learning Torah; but as a general course of action, even the Nefesh HaChaim agrees that a person must regularly think about Hashem’s presence.

If one isn’t doing that, then he cannot use the leniency of the Nefesh HaChaim.

“One” With Hashem

אתה חונן לאדם דעת- We ask Hashem every day for daas, for understanding in learning Torah. The question is, when we learn Torah, are we just connecting to daas alone, or to the One who bestows it? Or does he only consider the wordsאתה חונן  when he’s davening, and not while he’s learning…

A true kind of life is when we have a recognition ofאתה חונן even as we are learning Torah; when we recognize even while we are learning that it is Hashem who bestows us daas. Torah and prayer are intertwined with each other, the Chazon Ish says. The depth of this is contained in the implication of the wordsאתה חונן: that even as we are involved with our daas when we learn Torah, we must not lose the connection to the Source of our daas, Whom we daven to.

To explain this on a deeper level, before creation, there was nothing but Hashem. The first thing Hashem created was the Torah. Then he created the Jewish people [and after that, Creation].  In terms of our soul, this applies as follows. There are many different levels of how one can learn Torah. The inner way to learn Torah is to enter the depths of the Torah with the depths of our heart and to find Hashem there, where “Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one”.

This is based on the concept of “World, Time, and Soul”: all that takes place in a time and space takes place in our soul as well. Just as there was a time in which Hashem was one – the point before creation – so is there a point in our soul in which we can reach the state of oneness with Hashem. There, in that deep place in the soul, all is one – “Hashem and the Torah are one”.

“One must kill himself in the tents of Torah” – the depth of this is that one must reach the depth of the Torah in which it is revealed that all is one, that there is nothing else except Hashem. In that sense, a person reaches a nullified state; he is “killed.”

This is not just another fact to ‘know’ about. Anyone who has learned the words of Chazal is already familiar with this concept of “Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one.” But this is not a knowledge; it is a concept of entering the deepest point of the soul, the deepest room of all the chadrei lev. There is nothing there except Hashem; all is included in Hashem there. In that deep place of the soul, a person deeply connects to Torah and to the One who gave it.

There, it is realized the meaning of אתה חונן לאדם דעת. There, it is very clear. There, Hashem is not a “hidden G-d”, but He is clearly revealed as אתה, “You” – there is a clear recognition of Him. One who learns Torah connected to that deep place in himself merits Hashem’s light to be shined on him constantly, and this is the “Torah Ohr”, the light of the Torah, revealed from his learning. But one has to reach this deep place in the soul in order to merit it.

Opening The Heart

Again, it is not something to ‘know’ about. One must open his heart in order to reach it. One has to cry to Hashem, on a regular basis: “Open my heart to Your Torah!”

When the heart does become opened, a new life comes to the person. It is like being resurrected from death, and even more so: the person becomes a new existence entirely. When the heart of a person becomes truly opened, his whole existence changes.

There is a possuk, “From all that you guard, guard your heart, for from it, comes life.” When the heart is closed, there is no life; it is a blocked heart, a ‘lev arel’, which is another name for the evil inclination, who is also the same as the Angel of Death. There is death there and no life. But when a person’s heart becomes opened, he merits a new life.

The Chazon Ish writes that it is possible for a person to become like an angel for a few moments, even as he is on this physical world. This happens when his heart become opened, and then his daas of his intellect becomes “chochmas lev” - the “wisdom of the heart”. A person can then merit to go deeper and deeper into his chadrei halev.

The Chazon Ish wrote a famous letter where he states that if a person were to exert himself in Torah for several hours consecutively, he can reach the deepest place of the soul, where Hashem, Torah and Yisrael are one. There, an endless joy is experienced. How much time does it take for one to get there, and can he enter there at all? It depends on each person’s level of purity of heart and how much his heart has been opened.

We must know where learning Torah is supposed to lead us. Hashem is the One who bestows daas upon us – אתה חונן לאדם דעת. One has to view Hashem asאתה – not in the sense of “You are a hidden G-d”, rather, in a revealed sense of “You.”

In Conclusion

The words here are for one is removed from This World and who exerts himself in Torah, connecting his soul to the Torah he learns and with mesirus nefesh, and he cries to Hashem for help, and continues to persevere in his learning.

This requires yishuv daas (a settled mind), and it should not be done out of anxiousness. It needs to be done with clear emunah that “Hashem is close to those who call out to Him in truth.” Exertion in Torah must be together with inner calm and with concentration; if one has no inner calm, he becomes chaotic.

We need exertion in Torah, but we also need yishuv hadaas along with it. We also need to daven with tears to Hashem, until our heart becomes opened. And after we merit this, we must repeat the process, again and again, going deeper and deeper into our heart. Until we reach the innermost place of the heart, of “Hashem, Torah, and Yisrael are one.”

The recognition of that place enables a person to get up in the morning and go learn Torah from a calm feeling, that there is nothing to do on this world, other than being involved with Hashem and His Torah. This gives a person clarity of mind and a purity to his soul, and his Torah learning will come from a place of clarity and purity in oneself. It enables a person to touch upon the depths of the Torah, to connect to it and reach it, to become a “mighty wellspring” in it.

It was described here an inner and true life. But it is only possible for individuals who are willing to separate themselves from This World and to truly connect their souls to Torah and Hashem together – which is the depth of אתה חונן לאדם דעת.[6]