Tefillah - 043 Finding Renewal

Near-Death Experiences

מלך ממית ומחי' – Hashem is the “King Who gives death and life.” We mention a few times in this blessing about how Hashem revives the dead, but here we add on another point: that Hashem also brings death.

Why is it necessary to mention that Hashem also brings upon death to a person? The simple answer to this is that we know that there are times in which a person can be dead and then be brought back to life. There are people who were considered to be clinically “dead” and they miraculously sprung back to life.

Revival From Spiritual Death

But the deeper meaning of ממית ומחי' is as follows.

There are two kinds of “death” – physical death, and spiritual death. Physical death is when the soul\life spirit of a person leaves the body. But a person can experience times of spiritual death as well. This is when a person falls completely from a previous spiritual level.

Man in general is constantly “progressing forward” and then “retreating”, in a cycle; this is called rotzoh v’shov (running and returning). We go through good periods, which are called “Days of Love”, and we go through bad times, which are called “Days of Hate”[1]; we keep passing through these two phases in a cycle. Sometimes we are doing well in our spirituality, and sometimes we are falling.

But sometimes, a person falls totally from his spiritual level. These are not “Days of Hate”; they are more extreme of a fall than the fall a person goes through during the “Days of Hate”. This is a kind of spiritual “death” that happens to a person. It happens when a person has totally lost his sense of vitality in life. The person feels like he is dead inside – when he feels like he has lost his feelings for Avodas Hashem.

Hashem breathed into man a nefesh chayah – a life-spirit, a soul that contains vitality; when a person loses his sense of vitality in life, he feels dead.

But Hashem is ממית ומחי', He revives the dead – Hashem can revive even those who are spiritually “dead” and bring them back to life.

Revival - Through Renewed Vitality

There is also a more subtle kind of spiritual death that can happen to a person: when a person wishes to return to something he once experienced that gave him chiyus, a sense of vitality - but he finds that he can’t return to it.

Each of us has a source where we derive “chiyus” (inner vitality) from. Anyone who lives an inner kind of life gets vitality from an inner source – not from the physical world, but from the inner, spiritual world. But we must be aware of the following subtle point: It is impossible for a person to derive vitality from the same thing again.Our inner experiences are new and different each time; any inner experiences you once had, which previously gave you vitality, are not able to give you vitality any more.

This is the deeper meaning of ממית ומחי'– that in order for us to become revived again with life, our previous vitality ‘dies’, and then once again can become filled with renewed vitality from Hashem. Hashem gives us completely new vitality each time, and it is never a repeat from the past.

Seeking Vitality

It is impossible for a person to keep receiving vitality from the same thing. Even when a person learns Torah and he receives vitality from the same words he keeps learning, it is not the same vitality each time.

To give a stark example of the concept, we all go through various lifetimes. Each of our lifetimes are different each time. Our family we have now is not the same family we had in our previous lifetime (usually).  This is because we never have the same “life” more than once. This example really illustrates the concept we are describing – it was a harsh example, but we had to use it in order to bring out the subtlety of this concept.

We are not able to derive vitality more than once from the very same thing. This is reminiscent of the concept of having panim chadashos, a “new face” – we need renewal.

A person is used to having a certain seder (routine) in life. He learns each day at a set time and has three times a day when he davens. But there is a part in our soul which seeks to ascend beyond our regular seder and receive new vitality. This is not just an aspiration to grow, but a desire to derive new kinds of vitality.

We want to feel alive inside from our life, but we don’t want the same kind of feeling over again. We keep searching for a new feeling of vitality, not the same old vitality we are used to receiving. Our soul deep down senses that it cannot continue to derive vitality from the same old thing, therefore, it seeks new kinds of vitality.

There are people who are very idealistic when they are younger, and they were involved in spiritual growth, but then as time goes on their idealism weakens, and they stop aspiring. Before a boy in yeshiva gets married, he can be very full of aspirations to grow spiritually, but then after he gets married, he stops aspiring. His life becomes likes a graveyard, because he loses his sense of vitality from his spiritual world. He yearns to return to the same kind of vitality he used to have, but this is impossible. He needs a new kind of vitality, and he won’t be able to get it from the same thing anymore.

When people look for vitality in the same thing that always gave them vitality, this is a superficial search for vitality, and it will not provide a person with real vitality.

If you take a look at the world today, people are constantly trying to get “more” and “more” of the same. It’s really because people want vitality. The mistake that people make is that they are seeking to gain vitality from whatever used to give them vitality, and they aren’t searching for a new source of vitality. It is impossible for our soul to receive vitality from what used to give him vitality!

If someone really understands this concept, he will understand that life has to become a constant search for renewal to our vitality – to always seek vitality from a new source.

Even from the physical world we can see this concept. Yesterday is not here anymore; today is a new day. There is no way for us to return to yesterday; today, we need new vitality, which we did not have yesterday.

Refreshing Your Torah Learning

When a person learns the Gemara, and he sees the words of Abaye and Rava, it appears superficially to be the same words each time he sees them. But the truth is that you can find new insights each time, in those very same old words. You can keep finding new things in the Torah you learn.

There are people who are always reviewing the Gemara; they can finish Shas and review it, again and again. But often, many people are just reviewing the words monotonously, and the words appear dead to them. They’re just doing it for the sake of reviewing it, but not because they get vitality from the words! They are always reviewing the Gemara, but the words of the Gemara are dead to them. They don’t see life in the “same old” words of the Gemara that they keep reviewing….

A truly aspiring person is someone who knows how to keep finding renewal in his learning.

Evil Renewal

Renewal is also a power that can be used for evil, however. In the material world, people are seeking renewal in all kinds of new and exotic products that hit the market – all kinds of “new” tastes. Every ability can be used either for holiness or evil; when people constantly seek new tastes in the materialistic world, it is the power of renewal being used for evil.

Seeing the “Same Old” As “New”

A person needs renewal when it comes to his spiritual world. This doesn’t necessarily mean that when a person sits down to learn a Gemara that he should come up with a new p’shat (understanding) of the Gemara. It means that a person has to always feel a renewed sense of vitality in his life, a completely new source of vitality. It makes a person feel alive inside. Every moment, we can find new vitality that wasn’t here the moment before.

(I hope that those listening to this don’t think that they have to merely “acquire” this concept as another “good middah”. This is not about acquiring another good middah or quality. It is about how you can feel more alive inside.)

There is a basic kind of inner vitality we can have, and then there is an even more inner kind of vitality we can have. When a person searches to have more Torah, mitzvos, and closeness to Hashem – and all other spiritual qualities to have – this comes from the soul’s need to search for vitality. Our soul searches for vitality.

But we must know the following important point: we cannot derive new vitality from something if we never derived vitality from it in the first place.

It is written, “Hashem renews in His goodness, every day, constantly, the act of Creation.” Hashem is constantly renewing Creation – therefore, we can keep deriving new vitality from the same things we see. This is an ability our soul has to look at things always with a renewed perspective, thus we can always derive new kinds of vitality from everything – because everything can always be “new” to us.

For example, there are people who constantly buy new sefarim. It gives them vitality. Why do people have to keep buying new sefarim? There are plenty of sefarim in the house. A person is really able to discover new things in them each time! The “same old” sefarim that are in a person’s house for the last 70 years can always be “new” sefarim to a person, as long as he discovers new things in those sefarim. The very same page of a sefer, the very paragraph and lines of a sefer, can always give you new insights.

If people would know this, they wouldn’t feel a new to always buy more sefarim, because they would always be able to find something new in their old sefarim. You don’t need new sefarim to give you renewal; you can find renewal in the same sefarim that have always been in your house.

True, you don’t always see something new in it when you learn. But if you learn the same thing 100 times, maybe at the 100^th time you’ll discover a completely new insight you were never aware of, or maybe in the 101^st time it will happen….

The point of these words is that often people are searching for new vitality when they haven’t even gotten past the first basic level of finding vitality. A person thinks it’s time to move on and seek something new, when he hasn’t gotten past the first step yet. The yetzer hora (evil inclination) employs this tactic to get people to always acquire “more” and “more” spiritual levels,[2] when in reality the person hasn’t even gotten past the elementary stages. When people want “more” and “more” this is not a search for true renewal.

We have described here a very subtle point in our soul. The words here might not be understandable at all to those who hear it. But if the concept here is absorbed well, it will make you feel like a completely new person, (beryah chadasha).

Renewal In Your Torah Learning

So whenever you sit down to learn a Gemara, you can think about the words of the Gemara in a way that you are always able to see new things in them, and get a renewed sense of vitality from the words.

Here is another example of this idea. On Purim, there are aspiring people want to have an elevated kind of Purim, Baruch Hashem, so they make sure to say up the whole night of Purim and learn Maseches Megillah (Tractate Megillah of Talmud Bavli). Baruch Hashem, people are learning on Purim; this is wonderful. It is wonderful that people learn every year on Purim and review Maseches Megillah. But, this is still not the essence of Purim! The Purim which you will have this year does not have to be the same exact Purim you had last year. The Maseches Megillah which you are learning this year on Purim does not have to be the same exact Maseches Megillah you learned last year on Purim – it does not have to be a mere review of the same words. It can be a whole new kind of Maseches Megillah! Reviewing Maseches Megillah each year on Purim does not have to just that each year you are simply “reviewing” what you did last year. It can be a completely new experience.

Summary

If a person connects himself to the concepts here, not only will he be able to develop a solid structure in his Avodas Hashem, but he will be able to keep ‘renewing’ his structure as well. He will develop the power of renewal and be able to always find new vitality.

But as we mentioned, this is only on condition that a person already derived vitality from a previous level, whereupon he can then seek new vitality. [If a person never got vitality in the first place from something, and now he seeks vitality, this is not coming from the soul’s deep power to find renewal, but it is rather coming from the yetzer hora’s tactic to get a person to always seek “more” and “more” levels when he hasn’t even gotten the basics.]

The Difference Between The Wise and The Foolish

The Sages state that the older a Torah scholar becomes, the wiser he becomes, while the older an ignoramus becomes, the more foolish he becomes. The depth of this is that a Torah scholar can keep finding new insights in the “same old” things, while an ‘ignoramus’ [someone who didn’t connect to Torah enough] wonders what new things can be found in the “same old” things.

A fool thinks he knows everything already. “I know it already”, is a common argument of fool. There are people who claim, “I already know this part of the Torah. What is new here for me to learn? I already know it!” He thinks he knows everything already, so what’s the point of living anymore…for this person, maybe his life really has indeed ended, because he thinks he knows all there is about life already….

We can keep finding new insights in the very same words of Torah we learn. It is written, “The Torah of Hashem is perfect”, and the Baal Shem Tov explains that the Torah always remains untouched, because no one has ever understood the full depths of the Torah’s words.

In order for a person to develop the power of finding renewal, it’s not something that comes to you through intellectual reflection. It is a soul experience! It is a reality that can felt by the soul.

When a person connects to this deep power of the soul, he feels alive inside, and he is truly alive. This is the meaning of how Torah scholars keep becoming wiser with the older they get – they can keep finding renewal in the very same things.

In Conclusion

This is the deep meaning of "ממית ומחי'" – every moment, we can receive renewed perspectives toward things [from Hashem] experienced in our soul. Our previous vitality dies, and then our vitality gets renewed by Hashem – we can gain a whole new life each moment.

May we merit the time in which all renewed vitality will spread to the rest of the world as well, in which will there be a complete revival of the dead.