Fixing Your Wind - 010 Idle Chatter Part 2: Enjoyable Gossip

Water-of-Wind-of-Wind: The Enjoyment of Speaking Gossip

Water-of-wind-of-wind is when a person has particular enjoyment in speaking idle chatter, which results in lashon hora (gossip).

There are four classifications of creations – doimem [the non-living, such as rocks], tzomeiach [growing organisms, such as plants), chai (living beings, such as animals), and medaber (social beings\people). Man is called medaber, a social creature.

Man also has the power to lead (hanhagah) through his speech. The power of speech is rooted in man’s aspect of hanhagah. One can be a manhig (leader) or, he is munhag (led). When one’s speech is impaired, he falls from the level of “manhig” to “munhag”.

The simple understanding of this is that if I am choosing, I am being manhig. If I am being dragged after something which I am losing control of, I am being munhag.

But it is more than that. We have many deeds, words, and thoughts that we go through. But what is it that leads all of our deeds, words and thoughts? When one doesn’t work to understand himself, he is unaware of what is motivating his deeds, words, and thoughts. He might have some control of himself, but chances are that his deeds\words\thoughts are leading him.

If one is not aware of what motivates him to speak, it is hard for him to control the words that come out of his mouth. Learning Hilchos Shemiras HaLashon can help of course, but it will still be very difficult for one to overcome his desire to speak lashon hora if he’s not aware of what’s causing him to speak those words in the first place.

Being Controlled Vs. Being In Control

For this same reason, many people cannot concentrate properly during davening and learning, because they are unaware of what is causing their thoughts. There is a lack of self-awareness of the root of our deeds, speech and thoughts. When we are being munhag, and we are not being a manhig, we remain unaware of the inner motivations that are behind our deeds, words, and thoughts.

Of course, we always have bechira (free will), and therefore we are able to control ourselves somewhat as we are in the midst of a deed, word, or thought. But this can be compared to a person riding a bus – is he able to lead the bus, or is be being led by it? He has free will to jump out of the window if he wants, but for the most part, the bus is leading him and keeping him inside it.

True self-control is achieved only when you get to the root of your deeds, words, and thoughts. Of course, you are still able to catch yourself in the middle of what you’re doing\saying\thinking and stop yourself, but this will not be enough for you to be in control of yourself that much. You need to be able to “lead” yourself from the start – that’s the real, inner kind of self-control. The more a person becomes aware of his motivations, the more he can be able to lead himself in how he acts\talks\thinking and thereby gain more self-control over himself.

We Are Always Motivated By Pleasure

This is generally the concept of the element of wind: the power in a person to lead himself.

Water-of-wind-of-wind, when used for evil, is the power to lead oneself towards evil, which is the trait of speaking lashon hora. The holy side of water-of-wind-of-wind is when one derives true pleasure from talking. Pleasure, oneg, can be holy or evil. A person is always leading himself to pleasure. The question is if he is leading himself towards holy pleasure or evil pleasure.

Thus, the root of hanhagah (leading) is oneg (pleasure); your oneg\pleasure is leading you either towards something good or evil.

Therefore, as long as a person is not aware of what gives him oneg, he is being munhag – he is being somewhat controlled, rather than being in control.

This is the aspect of water-of-wind-of-wind in the soul. When it is perfected, one is aware of his oneg. When it is impaired, one is munhag and he is not a manhig.

In deeper terms, when Adam sinned, his daas (thinking) became the daas of the Serpent. The holy kind of daas existed before the sin, in which man’s daas was the daas of Hashem. The daas of the Serpent, which came into man after the sin, is essentially the tendency in man to seek evil pleasure – he is “led” by the “Serpent”. And what does the Serpent enjoy? It enjoys speaking lashon hora, as our Chazal state.

This concept is what lays behind the words of our Sages that “The wicked ones are ruled by their evil inclination.” It is when a person is munhag (led\controlled) by the general force of evil in the world. In fact, even if a person is always learning Torah and doing mitzvos, he might be munhag through evil. Although it appears outwardly that he is always doing the right thing, inwardly, he has still not learned how to gain control of himself, which inevitably means that evil has a pull on him and controls him to a very large extent.

The depth of one’s bechirah (free will) is for one to get to the root of his motivations. The more superficial a person lives life, the more he is munhag through subconscious motives for evil. He might think that he wants to do the will of Hashem and he might even say so, but it is not really motivating him. He is being motivated by some other motivation that is evil, which he is unaware of.

For this very reason, the baalei mussar understood that the stage of zehirus (watchfulness), which is described in the beginning of Mesillas Yesharim, which is for one to get to the root of how careful he is in Halacha - is mainly about clarifying one’s internal state. One can only have true zehirus when he knows the motivations of why he acts.

Developing Self-Awareness

If a person wants to become aware of himself internally, he needs to develop two abilities: Logical analysis to the reason of what you are doing\speaking\thinking, as well as emotional sensitivity to the reason of what you are doing\speaking\thinking. (When a person has peace and quiet, he can calmly reflect and develop emotional awareness to his motivations).

For example, if we hear that a person steals, we can try to think about why he stole. Did he steal because he had nothing to eat? Did he steal because “stolen waters are sweet”? Maybe he stole because he was bored. Or maybe he stole so that he could get caught and get put in prison, where he’ll be guaranteed food every day.

So there are all kinds of logical motivations that can exist in any one act. Just as we learn a sugya of Gemara in all its detail, so can we analyze any matter with precision and try to discover all the details.

After you become aware of the logical reason of why you did what you did, now try to feel what the reason was that motivated you. If one only feels one motivation in himself and not more than that, this is a sign that he has no self-awareness at all! There are always many motivations that motivate you. Try to discover and feel more than one reason of what motivated you to do a certain act.

So first, figure out all the logical possibilities of what motivated you, and then, take the quiet time to try and feel what motivated you.

Of course, our inner world is incredibly deep and complicating; we never truly know ourselves 100%. For this reason, our Gedolim always suspected themselves of having more motivations than what they were consciously aware of. Any bar daas (sensible, mature person) knows that Torah is endless. Similarly, the soul is beyond full comprehension, so it’s impossible to know all our inner motivations.

Yet, we are still commanded to learn the Torah as much as we can and exert ourselves in it, even though we will never know it totally. In the same sense, we must strive to know our personal soul, even though we will never know it completely. A real bar daas always seeks to know himself with more clarity.

Getting used to this reveals a whole new world inside you. Compare this to a person who learns Torah in a “bekius” manner and then he discovers what it’s like to learn with iyun (in-depth study); he feels like he discovered a new world within the Torah.So too, a person can discover a whole new world within himself, when he seeks to know himself with more and more clarity. One has to keep trying to gain clarity about his soul, and this is a lifelong task.

This enables a person to become more of a manhig over himself and free himself from being munhag. Of course, no one can totally be in control of himself. This is because we live after the sin, and the Snake’s effect is still on us. But we can lessen our aspect of being munhag and draw ourselves closer to being a munhag. This makes a massive, internal overhaul to one’s life.

Example: Acting Zealous “For The Sake Of Heaven”

To give an example, there are people who are constantly involving themselves with various zealous arguments with others, “for the sake of Heaven.” Is there anyone who is totally sure that he argues with others only for the sake of Heaven? Even if the person is right in the points he is making when he argues, how does he know that he is entirely being motivated by pure motives for the sake of Heaven? If one suspects himself, he can discover more motivations in himself, and he’ll find that he’s not motivated purely for the sake of Hashem and doing His will. He’ll discover that he is motivated by various motives that are self-serving, such as the pursuit of honor….

Leaving Superficiality

Even more so, one who practices this will uncover a whole inner world in himself, depth within depth, and he will leave the superficial kind of life around him (the world is superficial right now that it’s scary how superficial it has become!), and enter a new world - within himself. When he has to deal with the outside world, he will be able to remain in his inner world and retreat into himself even as he is amidst worldly affairs.

This is a fundamental concept, not a side point. These words are opening thoughts of the concept that we will now explain.

Examining What Is Motivating You To Talk

Now let us return to discussing our subject, water-of-wind-wind, which is when one enjoys speaking words of gossip.

If a person would count how many words he speaks each day, it would be countless. The Chofetz Chaim said that in one minute, a person can speak 200 words.

But what is it that motivates a person to speak? Taking this further, even when a person speaks words of Torah, what is motivating him? Love for Torah? The desire to feel victorious over another? The desire for honor? A person speaks with his friends – why is he talking to him? Because he loves him and wants to do kindness with him? For his own sake, or for the sake of the listener?

Think of the following. Let’s say you discover that you talk to another for your own needs. This motivation can further be analyzed and broken down. Why do you have a need to talk right now? There can be many reasons:

1) Some people speak in order to connect with others.

2) Others speak to others because they want others to listen to them or because they want others to feel and understand them, not because they want connection with others.

3) Others speak to others even when others aren’t listening; they can talk and talk, forgetting that others are even in the room, as long as they are generally aware that there are listeners in the room.  

4) Others speak in order to relieve their worries, as Chazal say, “When there is worry in the heart, tell it over to others.”

5) Others speak to others simply because they are bored and they have nothing important to talk about.

6) Others speak because they are in need of moving around, and speaking to another makes them feel like they are moving.

So here is one example of so many motivations that can exist in the same act. This is the question to ask yourself: When you talk to another, are you aware of why you are talking? Is it always about making another feel good?

Without self-awareness towards one’s speech, one’s speech resembles (like) the speech of the Serpent when it spoke to Chavah. This is not necessarily limited to speaking lashon hora; as long as the words spoken lack self-awareness, the words are rooted in the words of the Serpent. In concept, it can apply even to speaking words of Torah! As long as one is not aware of why he is talking, his words are affected by the “daas of the Serpent” which entered mankind after the sin.

Thus, one has to know well the reason that motivates him to talk. The Ramban says to think before you talk, and the point behind this is because one has to uncover his motivations in talking. Even if one is not speaking words of lashon hora, a person still has to think about what is motivating him to talk right now.

When one gets used to probing his motivations like this on a regular basis, he uncovers within himself a whole new world, a whole deeper dimension in himself. He will keep discovering more motivations in himself in what he does.

One cannot live an inner kind of life if he just remains superficial and ignorant of real self-awareness. Just as a person cannot experience exertion in learning Torah if he does not learn with iyun and he just remains satisfied with learning the words of Abaye and Rava alone, so can a person only experience his inner world when he leaves superficiality and he analyzes deeper and deeper into his motivations.

Practically Speaking

Practically speaking, to work on this concept, take one deed of yours and think deeply into it, of what all the possible motivations are. If you have a bit more patience and emotional awareness, you can keep thinking into it throughout the week and throughout the month, where you will discover even more about how you acted.

This is how our Gedolim lived their lives: they always suspected themselves of having more motivations than what they were aware of. The Alter of Kelm, the Alter of Slobadka, Reb Yeruchem Levovitz and other great Gedolim of our past lived with this concept all the time.

Thus, water-of-wind-of-wind is to get in touch with what kind of pleasurable motive is motivating you to act, in particular, with what motivates you to speak.