Fixing Your Fire [Conceit] - 010 Enjoying The Present Moment

Water-of-Wind-of-Fire: Gaining Pleasure from Spiritual Movement

We continue here with the help of Hashem to discuss the element of fire, the root of the trait of gaavah (conceit). We are currently up to discussing water-of-wind-of-fire.

Fire is the nature to ascend, wind is the movement of the ascension, and water-of-wind-of-fire is the “pleasure” aspect of upward movement. It is when a person finds pleasure in any degree of movement, even slight movement. We will explain.

When there are large amounts of upward movement in a person, this is considered very enjoyable to a person. For example, if a person felt that he has gained a large amount of clear knowledge or that he has tremendously grown in spirituality, this feels enjoyable.

If a person is learning a sugya of Gemara and he comes to understand a certain point in the sugya, this doesn’t always feel enjoyable, because it’s a very small amount of clarity. If he would receive a clear understanding about a large percentage of the sugya, though, this would feel very satisfying. But if he is only receiving clarity on a very miniscule detail of the sugya, he won’t feel that much enjoyment at this.

This is true when it comes to exerting ourselves in Torah study, and it is also applies to spiritual improvement. If a person feels that he has greatly overcome a certain negative trait of his, this feels very satisfying. But if a person only saw a small amount of improvement, this does not provide him with enjoyment.

There are many more examples that illustrate the concept, but we have picked upon two very common examples where this idea applies: when it comes to our Torah learning, and when it comes to self-improvement. Small signs of success don’t mean that much to a person, and thus they don’t provide a person with enjoyment. Why are we like this? It is because we naturally compare our small successes to our big successes; therefore, we don’t often see value is our small successes. The small success, in comparison to the big success, isn’t worth much to us. Therefore, a small amount of success (whether it’s in our Torah learning or in areas of self-improvement) doesn’t provide us with satisfaction.

The Value of Small Details

This is really a form of katnus (“small-mindedness”, or immature mentality): when a person only seeks the katnus (smallness) of a “small” thing, so he doesn’t attribute importance to it.

When it comes to learning Torah, this can be a problem, when one doesn’t bother to try to understand the “small” points in a sugya. It affects his understanding of the sugya if he overlooks certain small details or if he doesn’t bother trying to understand them.  And when it comes to inner self-improvement, it is detrimental when a person overlooks small points and ignores them.

What will happen when a person overlooks the small details? Since he doesn’t see the importance of the smaller details, he will skip them and try to move forward and progress. Sometimes a person can notice that what he originally thought of as small and unimportant was really important. Many times, a seemingly small detail ends up being a very important detail. For example, when learning a sugya of Gemara, what originally seemed like ‘just another’ small detail of the sugya was really the root that the entire sugya is built on; a change of understanding about that detail changes around the understanding of the entire sugya.

We have mentioned so far two drawbacks that result from overlooking small details. First of all, overlooking small details causes a person to have an incomplete understanding of the subject and do a half-baked job. Secondly, the small detail which seemed unimportant might turn out to be a very big detail that is not ‘small’ at all.

Additionally, there is a third drawback that results from it: skipping over details causes a person to lose his ability of seder (orderliness). When a person is only interested in big areas and not in small areas, he gets used to skipping. It damages his ability of seder.

Appreciating ‘Small’ Details

How, indeed, should a person view details?

When you see a detail in and of itself, it is viewed as a “small” detail. But when you think about this detail in terms of how it relates to the bigger picture, the detail gains greater importance. For example, if you are looking at a piece of a machine as just being the mere piece that it is, it appears to be some “small” thing. But when you view it in relation to the rest of the machine, you realize that the machine can’t work without it, and now this piece gains much more importance in your eyes. It is no longer a “small” detail to you.

Thus, when we view details in relation to the bigger picture, we can then realize the importance of each detail. Most people see details as details, without seeing how the detail is part of a bigger picture, and that is why people don’t usually see the importance of a certain detail. In any detail we come across, we really cannot know how important it is, when we think of how it relates to the bigger picture that it is a part of. But even though we cannot know how important it is, it is definitely of value.

A second thing to consider is that the detail is only small when you view its external and superficial appearance. But when you consider the inner dimension of something and the concept behind it, you will discover that there is nothing small in Creation.

If someone sees only “small” things in Creation, it means that he is small-minded. The more greatness and depth he sees in Creation, the bigger he is, and that is why a Gadol sees the depth of everything in Creation. You can discover an amazing amount of depth in even the “smallest” thing you come across. The world in front of you is not simply a physical Planet Earth – it is Hashem’s world which He created; thus it is very, very deep.

Seeing The ‘Havayah’ of Each Detail

On a deeper level, each detail is its own havayah (existence). This is very deep power of the soul. The Vilna Gaon wrote that when learning Gemara, one should be so immersed in it that he is not aware of anything else in the world other than the page of Gemara in front of him. This is essentially using the power of being immersed in the reality of a detail. This is a “G-dly spark” of havayah in the soul: to see the havayah of each thing.

Normally, we see random and dispersed details. But if we see all the details as part of one havayah, we have unified each detail into one piece. This is a spark of Hashem’s oneness contained in the soul, where the soul can see the oneness of all the details and how they all combine to form one havayah.

Thus, seeing big and small things means that a person doesn’t see things in terms of havayah. If he would realize that each detail in Creation is all part of one havayah, he would never see “big” and “small.”

For example, when a person learns a sugya, he might think that certain details of the sugya of Gemara are “small” and that they are of no relevance. But when learning a possuk in Chumash, is there such a thing as a small possuk? Chazal say that even the possuk of “Aluf Timna” is equal to studying the entire Torah. When it comes to a possuk of Torah, we can all understand that there is no such thing as a small possuk. It is clear to us that each possuk of Torah is the word of Hashem, and that each possuk of Torah has its own havayah.

This is a deep and subtle concept. When one is aware of this concept, he realizes that every detail in a sugya of Gemara is its own important reality. There are no “bigger” or “smaller” details in the sugya to him. In areas of self-improvement, he is aware that are no “bigger” or “smaller” areas, because he is not comparing.

Those with a dominant element of earth in their souls might not have an easy time digesting this concept. They might feel like it’s a form of lethargy to think this way. But it is really a deep power in the soul, and it is the quality of menuchah (serenity) found in a true Torah scholar. The depth of menuchah (mainly manifest in a Torah scholar) is that he can see the havayah of each thing he comes across.

When one has this perspective as he’s learning Torah, he can reach an awesome level of d’veykus with Hashem, because instead of seeing random details, he is always directed towards the unification of the details.

The simple level of this is the words of the Vilna Gaon, that a person is so focused on the detail he’s learning about in Torah that he is not thinking about anything else. But the depth of it is to be immersed in the reality of each detail. For this reason, a person can spend a lot of time immersed in a particular detail of Torah.

Obviously, this power must be used sensibly, because life is not long enough to spend so much time immersed in each detail; we have a mitzvah to try to know the whole Torah. But we should at least make use of this power minimally, by being able to spend a large amount of time studying a particular detail.

As mentioned, though, this concept is a high level of perception which is usually above the reach of most people.

Seeing The Detail As Part of a Greater Whole

Now we will add on another dimension of understanding: the power to be immersed in a detail is essentially the power to be immersed in a greater goal of where you want to get to. You can see the detail in relation to where you want to get to, thus, you see the importance of the detail, because you are aware that the detail is needed to get to the goal.

As opposed to just seeing the detail as an important detail in and of itself to study, you can see it as more than that: you can see the detail as something that brings you closer to your goal – whether we are dealing with Torah study or inner self-improvement.

The depth behind this concept is, the Mishnah in Avos: “From where did you come from? To where are you going?” One must know where he came from, to where he has to get to - and where he is found right now. This is a concept that must envelope us all the time. A person must know: “To where do I want to get to, and where am I found now, in relation to where I have to get to?”

This thought causes a person to have deep self-introspection on all aspects of his life. Without making this self-introspection, a person might grow spiritually, but he will have times where he falls from his growth, and he is not even aware of it, because he doesn’t remember where he stands.

The very fact that one is aware of his growth and movement enables him to live and experience the movements of his soul. When one is spiritually growing but he isn’t even aware of it, he is not growing as much he could be; his lack of awareness means that he is sort of complacent with the fact that he’s in a general period of growth.

Enjoying A Detail of the Present Moment

Now we come to the main point of our discussion, where we are describing the idea of water-of-wind-fire: when a person finds pleasure in even a small amount of [spiritual] movement.

Finding pleasure in your spiritual growth doesn’t mean that you are satisfied with the fact that you are generally growing higher. It means that you can find pleasure in any detail in your growth that you come across, and you are focused on it. You will find that you can stay immersed in a detail, because it is pleasurable.

For example, learning Gemara requires enjoyment. When a person is superficial, he can only learn the Gemara if he’s finding enjoyment in the current sugya he’s learning, and as soon as he’s not finding it enjoyable, he continues to the next sugya. But the more inner that a person has become, he knows how to enjoy any particular point in the sugya, and he can stay there for a while, taking in the pleasure, like a person sucking the juice out of an orange.

However, we should mention that there is a danger in using this power. It can cause an increase of shelo lishmah (ulterior motivations). Additionally, if a person spends too much time on a particular detail of Torah, he won’t get to see the rest of the Torah, and we don’t have that much time on this world to spend time on all the details of Torah.

But when this power is used properly and sensibly, a person is able to derive pleasure in any detail he’s involved with. He can stay immersed in the current sugya of the Gemara simply because he’s enjoying it, without feeling the pressure of having to continue to the next sugya. He wants to stay in the current sugya and he doesn’t want to continue to the next sugya, not because he hasn’t finished it yet, but because he wants to savor the enjoyment of what he’s learning right now.

In Conclusion

When one is missing water-of-wind-of-fire in his soul, he is missing the ability to be focused on a detail, which means that he never really lives the present moment. When he is involved with “small” things, he is thinking about something “big” he has to get to, which means that he is not living in the present.

By contrast, when one is able to appreciate a detail that he’s currently dealing with, he lives the present moment.

On a deeper level, this gives a person the ability to come to have d’veykus in the absolute havayah of Hashem. The more a person makes use of the power to be focused on a particular detail in the present moment (and to derive pleasure from it), the closer he is to the revelation of the reality of Hashem. He is in touch with the present, with reality in front of him. Thus he is much closer to the ultimate havayah (Reality) that there is.

This is the power of water-of-wind-of-fire in the soul: the power to have true pleasure, in holiness.