Hisboddedus Practice - 021 Hisbodedus and Ahavas Yisrael

Does Hisbodedus Compromise On Ahavas Yisrael?

With the help of Hashem, previously, we explained the concept of disconnecting from society; to lessen one’s feeling of connection to This World, to feel towards it that it is only temporary.

This all described one side of the coin, however. The three parts to hisbodedus which we have explained thus far - hisbodedus with oneself, hisbodedus between man and his Creator, and disconnection from This World – cannot be everything. If it were, then a person would live entirely with himself and with Hashem, and then what will be with his Ahavas Yisrael (love for others Jews), being that he is so detached from the world…?

True hisbodedus does not cause a person to become self-absorbed and to compromise on his Ahavas Yisrael. Our Rabbis who guided us in matters of hisbodedus taught that hisbodedus is actually meant to increase our Ahavas Yisrael. The question, of course, is how, but in concept, hisbodedus is not meant at all to weaken one’s feeling of Ahavas Yisrael; it is meant to increase the quality of our Ahavas Yisrael.

In the materialistic side to life, when a person is absorbed in his various material pursuits, his feelings for others begin to get less and less, and surely he doesn’t feel a love for others, being that he is very immersed in himself and in his materialistic pursuits. At the opposite end of the spectrum are those who are spiritual, who are mainly involved with becoming closer to G-d. Is a spiritual life of closeness to G-d supposed to weaken our relationships with others and feel detached from them? It seems to be that it should compromise on our love for others, being that hisbodedus is to be disconnected from This World.

The truth is that in the beginning stage of hisbodedus, a person has to get used to entering inward, speaking to himself and thinking to himself, alone, and he becomes more and more inward. Sometimes this leads to increasing his ego, chas v’shalom. In any case, the beginning stage of hisbodedus, which is the more “private” stage, is definitely a disconnect from other people, and the risk with it is that it can distance a person from Ahavas Yisrael.

Let us see what we can do about this: how can we begin to become “alone” when we do hisbodedus, in a way that will not diminish our Ahavas Yisrael? We will explain how hisbodedus is not mean to increase the ego, rather, it is meant to increase our Ahavas Yisrael.

The Depth of Hisbodedus: Reaching The Root of The Soul

The depth of hisbodedus is for a person to enter deeper into himself, as we explained in previous chapters. The deeper a person enters inward, the more he experiences his private self. But the truth is that when he reaches the inner point of himself, he reaches his root, and there at the root, he is one with Klal Yisrael. This is because all of Klal Yisrael are one at their root.

If a person never gets to that inner point in himself, then it will be difficult for him to avoid becoming self-absorbed. But once he does reach the root of his soul, he will feel connected to the entire Jewish people. One who does hisbodedus in a true way will surely reach this place in himself of deep Ahavas Yisrael.

Thus, the point of hisbodedus is not to reach one’s own inner self and to remain there. It is a long journey to get to the self, and upon reaching that depth, a person reveals the root of his own soul, which is called “Kneses Yisrael” ­­­- the collective unit of the Jewish people. Once reaching this place, a person is not only connected to his own soul, but to the root of his soul – and the deep root of his soul is Klal Yisrael. There, not only does he retain his Ahavas Yisrael, but he reaches the root of all ahavah (love), and there a person can come to love every single Jew – without exception.

However, even after reaching that deep Ahavas Yisrael towards others, it’s still possible that there are unrefined parts of his soul which are preventing his Ahavas Yisrael from being revealed totally. But even so, it is a tremendous gain if a person reaches his deep place of Ahavas Yisrael inside himself. It sharpens his perception of Ahavas Yisrael and makes him feel a very great love for the Jewish people, even if it’s not perfect yet.

Countering The Ego

If a person is doing hisbodedus on a regular basis and he finds that his love for other Jews is not increasing, the question is, how can he improve his hisbodedus in a way that will not cause him to become self-absorbed and to be able to love others?

At the beginning stage of hisbodedus, when a person is beginning to go deeper into himself, he needs to make sure he is not becoming self-absorbed. Therefore, he should try some acts of giving each day, so that he is involved with benefitting other people. In this way, he balances himself out, using the opposite nature of hisbodedus.

The second part to this is that along with this – giving to others and awakening the love for others – is that a person needs to begin lessening his self-worry, and to try increasing his feeling of care for others instead. This has to be worked on slowly and step-by-step, in order to slowly pull out of the ego and to instead channel the feeling of care of concern, for others.

We will explain this part more. There is a part in ourselves in which we worry for ourselves. Some of us are more self-absorbed than others, but all of us worry for ourselves. We are all aware of this. Now, if starting to do hisbodedus is causing us to become more self-absorbed, it is detrimental. It merely increases our ego, because the more we enter inward, the more it increases our care and concern for our own self. So it is definitely possible that starting to do hisbodedus can cause an egotistical person to become even more egotistical.

Therefore, at the beginning stage of hisbodedus, a person needs to also work on lessening his ego, along with acts of giving for others. Those are the two parts which we will need in order to be balanced, when we begin hisbodedus.

Summary

To summarize thus far: at the beginning of hisbodedus, a person needs to disconnect from the world,  but at the same time he needs to be involved with acts of giving to others and in increasing his love for others, in addition to lessening his self-worry by channeling his worry towards others. The end goal of hisbodedus is to come to feel a deep love for all other Jews.

Now we will explain the middle stage of hisbodedus, which we did not explain yet; it can only be worked on once the first steps have been reached.

The Middle Stage of Hisbodedus: Increased Awareness Towards Self and Others

With the more a person works his way through the first stages of hisbodedus, he will discover that his feelings have become more opened. His feelings have become heighted and more sensitive. In addition, he becomes more aware of himself in general.

If a person has not worked to lessen his ego – which was part of the first stage – what will happen, as he continues hisbodedus? He becomes more sensitive, but only towards himself. He becomes more aware of himself, but not others. But if a person did it right – if he worked to lessen his ego already in the first stage of hisbodedus – then when his feelings heighten as he continues hisbodedus, he will become more sensitive towards others, and he will become aware of others.

Compare this to a water pipe. The water will come out of the pipe depending on which direction we turn the pipe towards. With most people, the “pipe” is weak – there is a lack of awareness of one’s feelings and self-awareness in general. But once the “pipe” is opened – through hisbodedus, which increases one’s feelings – all of feelings will come pouring out, like water from a pipe.

If the ego hasn’t been removed yet, the feelings that will come out will only be about himself. All of the love that comes out will be a self-love, not a love for others. But if the ego has been worked on in the first stage, then the feelings and the love which results from hisbodedus will be towards others – one will have deeper sensitivity towards others, deeper love towards others, and more awareness of others.

Summary of the Three Steps

Thus, there were three steps which we need in order to increase our Ahavas Yisrael as we begin hisbodedus; let us summarize them, so that it should be clear.

1) In the beginning stage of hisbodedus, a person has to make sure that he is involved with acts of giving toward others, with conscious intention to increase his love for others;

2) One needs to lessen his self-worry by channeling his worry towards worrying for others.

3) (This comes in the middle of steps 1-2): The opening of the feelings and awareness towards others. This step will be reached only if the first two steps were reached.

Evil Hisbodedus

When all of these three steps are reached, a person is able to reach the root of his soul, which is Klal Yisrael, and he loves every single Jew, without exception.

Without going through this kind of preparation for hisbodedus, a person is ignorant of the concept of working on the ego, and when he gets involved with hisbodedus, although he will see an increase in his spiritual feelings and awareness, at the same time it increases his ego, which is detrimental. Unfortunately, hisbodedus only serves to increase the ego and causes a person to become even more self-absorbed, when he hasn’t yet worked on lessening his ego before he began hisbodedus.

Love and Beyond Love

Another point to be aware of is that our love and feelings for others can only be reached if we ourselves have attained a proper and healthy self-love. Rav Shimon Shkop wrote that love for others means to extend our own love for ourselves, towards others. So we need to make sure that we love ourselves in the first place – in a healthy way – in order to be able to give that love others.

However, being that our love for others is based on how much we love ourselves, our love for others will be limited, when it is merely an extension of our ego. So in order to love other Jews with true Ahavas Yisrael, we need to reach a love that goes beyond our own ego.

When people are not aware of this, they will remain their entire life at the second stage of hisbodedus, and they will never reach the third step of hisbodedus. Their love for others will be limited to how much they love themselves. This doesn’t mean they will be self-absorbed and only worry for themselves. They will still be concerned for others, but it does not go beyond how much they love their own selves. It means that their love for others first has to pass through their “I”, which limits the love for others.

Thus, we must be aware of the third stage. The third stage is to turn our “Ani” (I) into “Ayin” (“nothing”\self-nullification). It is to go beyond our own “I” and reach the root of the “I”. The root of the “I” is called “Kneses Yisrael” ­­­- the point of integrating with Klal Yisrael, where the “I” is part of a greater whole. There, the love for other Jews is not coming from my own self-love, but from a higher source of love: to integrate myself with Klal Yisrael, and to love them from there.

Without being aware of this third stage, a person is still involved with his “I”, so all of his love for others is limited, for it is stemming from his own self-love. But in the third stage, a person loves others not because he has extended his ego to them, but because he is integrated with Klal Yisrael on the collective level. Of course, in order to get to this higher kind of love, one has to first reach the previous level, of being able to extend his ego towards others.

At the third stage, an entirely new kind of awareness towards life is reached. It is the total kind of Ahavas Yisrael, which is beyond the “I” and thus it is not limited to the “I”. It is to join the collective unit of Klal Yisrael, and to love Klal Yisrael on a personal level.

Another Difference Between The Second and Third Levels of Ahavas Yisrael

There is also another deep difference between the second and third levels of Ahavas Yisrael that we are describing, which we will mention.

In the second level, the love for others passes through one’s “I”, so the person still sees himself as first place; as Chazal say, “Chayecha Kodmin” (“Your life comes first”).

But in the third level, where a person’s Ahavas Yisrael transcends his own private self, although there is still a concept of ‘Chayecha Kodmin’ even on this level, it is to a much lesser degree. The ‘Chayecha Kodmin’ is still there because he is connected to the second and third stages at once, thus there is still a place for ‘Chayecha Kodmin,’ due to the second stage that attaches him to the third stage. But his actual love for other Jews is above that place of ‘Chayecha Kodmin’. In this kind of love, a person is able to reveal a tremendous mesirus nefesh for another, and to greatly lessen his feeling of “Chayecha Kodmin”.

The Fourth and Highest Stage of Ahavas Yisrael

Finally, above these three levels we have described, comes a fourth stage, which is the innermost level of hisbodedus.

The beginning of hisbodedus is to enter deep into the “I”, and the end of hisbodedus is to join with the Creator and become attached with Him. When one is truly connected to the Creator, he loves other Jews as an automatic result, for Chazal say that “If one loves his friend, he loves his children”, because the children are a part of their father.

To summarize: One has to first reach the depth of his soul. From there, he can love others as a result, being that his own self-love will increase. This is all within the stage of the ego. After that stage, it is upon him to reach the root of his soul, which is above his “I.” This is the place of feeling Ahavas Yisrael on the collective level, and it is a love that goes beyond the ego. After that, one can then reach true attachment with the Creator; if he truly loves the Creator, that means that he will love His children as a result of this.

Thus, we have seen how the complete level of hisbodedus does not lessen Ahavas Yisrael (or love for others in general); to the contrary, it is meant to foster an endless kind of Ahavas Yisrael and love for all creations – for they are all the children of Hashem.

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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH THE RAV

Q1: How can a person actually move from one stage to the next?

A: Moving From Stage One to Stage Two is the actual journey of hisbodedus. Doing hisbodedus on a regular basis increases your spiritual feelings, as a natural process, with the more you are doing hisbodedus and getting more in touch with yourself. Step One is clear. Anyone who works on hisbodedus correctly will be able to reach Stage Two. Stage Three, which is to reach the root of the soul, is reached with the more a person enters inward, such as through the methods of breathing and the other methods we explained in previous classes[1]; along with prayer and intense perseverance to get there. But what we pointed out here in this class is that a person has to be aware that there is a third stage. If a person isn’t aware of the third stage, he will always remain in the second stage and think that the goal of hisbodedus has been reached, thinking that he has reached the deepest place in himself.

What is the truth? There is really no end. The goal is to reach the Ein Sof of Hashem, which is endless. Thus, the more a person is aware of the third stage, he can penetrate deeper and deeper into himself to get there, along with prayer to get there. In this way he can reach Stages Two and Three as a natural process, and then he can reach not only his own soul, but the root of his soul, which is Kneses Yisrael.

Q2: I do not feel this coming as a natural process, and it is very hard.

A: Stage One is to decrease the ego as you begin hisbodedus, and at the same time you also need to feeling that you are entering deeper into yourself (along with davening to Hashem for this).

Q3: How do we reconcile the third and fourth stages of Ahavas Yisrael with the concept of ‘Chayecha Kodmin’?

A: We spoke about this during the class. ‘Chayecha Kodmin’ only exists in the second stage of hisbodedus, but if one reaches the third level and fourth levels, there is much less of a degree of ‘Chayecha Kodmin’ (though it will certainly exist according to Halacha).

Q4: Doesn’t it say that the mitzvah to love other Jews is only ‘like’ yourself, and that it is impossible to love others just as much as you love yourself (and certainly then you can’t love others more than you love yourself)?

A: There is an argument between the Ramban and the Ramchal if it is impossible to love others like yourself or not. The Ramban’s view is that you must love others as much as you can, but that you cannot actually love others as much as yourself. The Ramchal’s view is that you can love others as much as you love yourself. In actuality, it is not a disagreement. The Ramban is addressing a lower level of love, in which a person loves others through his own self-love, and that is really the second stage we described in this class. The Ramchal is talking about a higher kind of love, which is the third level we described.

Q5: I am reviewing what I learned in the past classes on hisbodedus and I am up to the stage of self-accounting and examining my actions, to view myself from outside of myself. I am having a hard time with this.

A: In that shiur[2] there were several methods presented, such as looking at pictures or videos of oneself and other methods. Have you tried that?

Q6: I am having a hard time, though, with visualizing what I did when I did it, as I watch myself perform.

A: Using those methods we gave should be able to help you visualize, but if you are finding it too hard you may skip it.

Q7: When I do hisbodedus I feel more loving towards others, but when it comes down to my actual day-to-day life, I find that I have lost those feelings and then wonder where it has gone.

A: How do you love others – do you love others only based on the qualities you see in them…? (I find that I cannot love others when I see negative behaviors in them). The general way to overcome your disgust you feel towards others is that during your time of hisbodedus, concentrate on how much you would want to love that person. First imagine a person whom you find it easier to love and concentrate on how much you love for him, so that you can increase your love for him. After you do hisbodedus like that, you will find that you love that person even more in your actual day-to-life. When you realize that, you can now do this with all other people you know. It is better to try this one-by-one as opposed to concentrating on how much you love the general whole of Klal Yisrael, because you cannot grab too many high levels at once. Instead, it is better to focus on increasing love towards one person at a time.

Q8: In order to review all that I’ve been though in these classes, what can the Rov suggest – should I start from the beginning of the classes, or is there perhaps a shortcut to get to the goal?

A: Shortcuts are only through computers.

Q9: How much time needs to elapse between each of the stages in order to progress to the next stage? Week by week, or month by month?

A: Even a month between each level is not enough time to acquire a level. For this reason, Hashem gave us many years to live!

Q10: Is it possible to keep listening to these classes even I haven’t yet worked on the previous levels?

A: Listening is fine, but make sure you are not working on two different stages at once. It is good to know the map beforehand of where you need to get to – “sof maaseh, b’machshavah techilah” (the end of actions, is first with thought).Therefore, it is good to listen to the shiurim, so you can see where you need to get to, even if you are not there yet. You can listen to a shiur even though you know that you can’t work on its ideas yet, rather than attempting to work on the ideas after hearing each shiur. In fact, it is even better to listen to the shiurim even though you’re not holding yet at working on them, just to see the general picture, and after that one can begin to work on the concepts he heard.