Hisboddedus Practice - 018 Speaking Continuously with Hashem

Getting Back The Long Lost Art of Speaking With Hashem

With the help of Hashem, we will continue to explain hisbodedus (Jewish meditation). Recently, we explained hodaah (thanking G-d), tefillah (prayer), and how to speak to Hashem from a place of temimus (pure simplicity) in yourself. Now we will progress to explain another fundamental point which is acquired through hisbodedus.

When thanking Hashem, we explained that a person needs to do so from the depths of his heart. During hisbodedus, one must understand that it’s not just a time to speak with Hashem from the depths of the heart. It is rather to acquire the nature of the soul which is hidden in every Jew. It is really enjoyable to speak to Hashem! This is because talking to Hashem is an inherent nature of our souls. Thus, hisbodedus is to be understood as a time to access our deep nature to speak with Hashem.

True hisbodedus is not just to talk to Hashem during hisbodedus per se. It is rather that during hisbodedus, a person acquires the nature to talk to Hashem, and from that, it can extend beyond the actual time you set for hisbodedus, enabling a person to speak with Hashem naturally throughout the rest of the day.

A true Jew not only speaks to Hashem for three times a day during davening and during hisbodedus; he talks to Hashem much more than that. Of course, we can’t talk to Hashem every second. But the point is that talking to Hashem is not just limited to our set times of tefillah and hisbodedus. Talking to Hashem is a practice meant for the entire day!

To illustrate, a husband and wife don’t only to speak with each other during limited times; they speak all the time with each other, on an ongoing basis. The home would be unlivable if they wouldn’t speak to each other all the time.

People are with others all the time and socialize with others; we understand that we can naturally speak to other people all the time. So, too, we have a nature to speak with Hashem – and not because it’s an “avodah”, but because it’s our soul’s nature!

The Way A Jew Is Supposed To Look

Before we explain (with Hashem’s help) how to speak with Hashem throughout the day, firstly, we must internalize that the way a Jewish life is supposed to look like is to speak with Hashem all the time.

We aren’t used to this perspective at first, because we see that our almost everyone in our environment are not into it. We usually only see people who talk to Hashem during davening for three times a day, and maybe perhaps a little more than that. The inner way for a Jew to live, which we are usually not used to seeing in the society we live in, is to speak with Hashem all the time throughout the course of the day. It is a change of perspective to us that we are not initially used to, but it is the true and inner lifestyle of a Jew. Therefore, we must get used to this new perspective of thinking and accustom ourselves to reflecting on how a true Jew is supposed to live like.

Avraham Avinu enacted the prayer of Shacharis, but did he only talk to Hashem during Shacharis? Yitzchok Avinu enacted the prayer of Mincha - did he only talk to Hashem during Mincha? And did Yaakov Avinu only speak to Hashem during Maariv? Obviously, not. They spoke with Hashem in between their prayers as well.

The Spiritual Reason of Why Women Have More Speech

Hashem gave us a power of speech. The Sages explained that ten measurements of speech were created, and nine were taken by women. Today in particular, there is a lot of speech, especially in the recent years with the advent of cell-phones. Nowadays, people talk wherever they are, on the go, wherever, and whenever. For what reason did Hashem intend us to use our power of speech for?

The power of speech was given to men to use to learn Torah with. Chazal expound on the words of “And you shall speak in it [the words of Torah]” that a man must speak the words of Torah, and the Sages exhorted men as well not to speak idle words of empty chatter, which wastes time from Torah study. This is true for men, who have a mitzvah to learn Torah; but what about women, who are not commanded to learn Torah? For what reason do women possess the power of speech, if they do not use it to learn Torah with? Must they only learn how to be silent from empty talk…? Or is there more meaning to the nine measurements of speech that women have?

Surely a woman needs to use her speech to speak with her husband, children, and friends and those whom she needs to speak with, and we are not implying otherwise. But that cannot be the main reason that a woman possesses much of the power of speech.

A woman was given more speech because she can use it for the most part to speak with HaKadosh Baruch Hu!

If we would think about how many words we say each day and how much of it we use to speak with Hashem, we would discover that most of our speech is used towards people, and not with Hashem. Of course, we need to speak with people, but Hashem gave us the power of speech to mainly use it to speak with Hashem. That is the way a Jew lives, man and woman alike! A man must mainly use his speech to speak words of Torah and to speak to Hashem, and a little bit to speak with people. And women, who do not learn Torah, must therefore use their speech to mainly speak with Hashem, and only a little bit with people.

This is the way our holy Matriarchs acted. Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah did not sit on the park benches and yap away on cellphones for hours on end. They did not speak on phones wherever they went and in their houses. Most of their speech was with Hashem, and this is the way a Jewish mother looks like. This is the way it always has been throughout the generations!

The True Jewish Woman

A woman who lives an inner Jewish life is one who is modest, and performs acts of kindness modestly, and more importantly, she speaks with Hashem throughout the day. Let’s try to imagine vividly how a Jewish woman is supposed to look like.

We hope to merit soon the redemption, in which the dead will be resurrected, when we will then see our holy Matriarchs, and then we will see how a Jewish woman looks like. In the meantime, let’s try to conceptualize: What did our holy Matriarchs look like? After that we need to think how we can put that into practice. But first, we need to at least conceptualize it.

Step One: Asking Hashem For Help

Besides for the times of the day when we daven and do hisbodedus, we need to make sure that we are talking to Hashem throughout the day-to-day stuff. When you do something, daven to Hashem for help before you do it. When you’re sitting in your house, ask Hashem for help in something. Get used to asking Hashem for success in general and in specific areas you need help in.

Step Two: Including Hashem In All Aspects of Your Life

After we have gotten used to this first step – talking to Hashem throughout the day and asking Him for help – we proceed to the next step. Don’t just ask Hashem for help – speak to Hashem about what you’re doing. Here the focus is not on the request, but simply to include Him in what you are doing. We will soon explain how to do this.

Here is an example. You get up in the morning and wash your hands, etc. A woman sends her children to school, etc. If one just goes about this without any thoughts about Hashem, he gets up by himself and thinks he’s in charge of his life. One can turn this into a spiritual experience by instead including Hashem in it. He can talk to Hashem throughout all of it and thereby include Hashem in the picture.

Here are more examples: When you’re washing the dishes, or sweeping the floor, or cleaning up the house, you can talk to Hashem at the same time. You can say, “Hashem is with me and sustaining me, and from Him alone do I receive the strength to do all these things.”

This should not just be done mentally in your thoughts; you should verbalize it with your mouth. When you get up in the morning, say: “Do I get up alone? No. Hashem woke me up. Am I alive because of my own energy? No. Hashem is keeping me alive. How can I get the kids ready and get them to school? Because I have the energy to do so? No. It’s because Hashem helps me do it.”

Becoming A “Partner With Hashem”

There are many statements of our Sages in which we are taught that man is a partner with Hashem, so to speak. Chazal state that if one says Vayechulu on Friday night, he becomes a partner with Hashem. Chazal also said that a judge who gives a truthful judgment is a partner with Hashem. There are other such statements of Chazal that describe this concept of being “a partner with Hashem”.

What does it mean to be “a partner with Hashem”? Does it mean to just ask Hashem for things, or does it mean to include Him in our matters?

Husband and wife are terms “partners”[1]. Does that limit them to asking them for things, or do they also include each other in their lives? If the entire relationship between spouses is the fact that they ask each other for things, and they don’t include each other in each of their lives, such a marriage is unlivable.

Of course, spouses need to ask each other for things, but an essential ingredient in marriage is to simply include each other in their lives. They must share their lives with each other. Most of the conversations in a healthy marriage are not about requests; they are about including each other in their lives. If most of the conversations are requests from each other, this is an example of a dysfunctional marriage. So too, we must share our life with Hashem.

Most of the time that speak with Hashem is about things we want from Him. Others are more mature and they also thank Hashem for things. But we must acquire a new kind of connection with Hashem, which is not only about the give-and-take relationship we have with Him.

Our Relationship With Hashem: Like A Marriage

The inner dimension of our relationship with Hashem is as it is written [in Shir HaShirim]: “Open up to me, my sister, my dove, my friend.” The Jewish people’s relationship with Hashem is compared to that of husband and wife.

In a marriage, the main aspect of their relationship is not about requests; it is about including each other in their lives. So too, Hashem is our Beloved to us, and we must relate to Him only minimally with requests; the main aspect of our relationship with Him should be about including Him in all aspects of our life.

Summary

Let this be clear: first, we must absorb this perspective, that the way a Jew looks (man or woman) is to speak to Hashem all the time, on a natural and regular basis. Secondly, most of our speech with Hashem should not be about requests or thanking Him, rather, most of our speech with Hashem should be for the sake of including Him in our life.

After a person has gotten used to acquiring the art of talking to Hashem in tefillah and hisbodedus [as it was explained in the previous chapters], one needs to open a new dimension in the soul: to include Hashem in what we are doing, throughout the day.

Getting Started

One should first start to include Hashem in the “small stuff” and then he should slowly increase this, both in quantity and in quantity.

Sometimes a person ends up asking Hashem for things as a result of including Him in his life, and this is fine. But most of the talking with Hashem should be for the sake of including Him in your life and not for the purpose of asking Him for things. The majority of your speech with Hashem should be for the purpose of including Him in your life, and a minority of your speech with Hashem should be about requests from Hashem.

Two Forms of Talking To Hashem: Verbal and Mental

We will now proceed to the next step, with Heavenly assistance. Including Hashem in our life is expressed in two ways: verbally, and mentally.

Either one can talk to Hashem verbally, or he can speak to Hashem mentally. One can speak with Hashem as well in his thoughts. Just like you can speak to Hashem with your mouth, so can you speak in your thoughts to Hashem. This is called hirhur (thought).  Each ways has its pros and cons.

Verbally talking to Hashem has the advantage of making an impact on your soul, because when you speak from the depths of your heart, the speech moves you and can connect you closer to Hashem.

Mental communication with Hashem is a more internal kind of power. It changes your thinking process, because until now you were used to thinking only with yourself, and now you realize that you can think with Hashem present. It removes feelings of loneliness and shows you how you are never alone, because you are always with Hashem.

There are people who must always be around people and they don’t like to be alone. An internal kind of person is also never alone, not because he is with people, but because he is with Hashem in his words and thoughts. Such words and thoughts are alive.

This is actually the depth behind hisbodedus.

Hisbodedus: All Day Long

True hisbodedus is not for an hour a day. As we explained in the past, hisbodedus is a way of life. The Chovos HaLevovos describes an inner kind of life as one who is alone with Hashem and never feels alone, because he knows he is with Hashem. Reb Nachman of Breslov wrote that although he told people to do hisbodedus for a set amount of time a day, such as an hour, he himself would do hisbodedus the entire day.

How can one do hisbodedus the entire day? It means that he was verbally and mentally connected to Hashem the entire day. His being was wrapped up with Hashem the entire day, in his words and thoughts. Hisbodedus for an hour a day is wonderful, of course, but it’s still only the partial level.

Changing Our Perspective

The words here are far from the lifestyle of most people, but they are not too hard to keep either. It’s a matter of habit and as well as a change of perspective. One merely needs to get used to a change of perspective: life is about including Hashem in all aspects of your life, every day and throughout the day.

A Third Method: Writing Letters To Hashem

If one feels that it’s too hard, there is another method which can work for some people: to write to Hashem. When you write your words to Hashem, write from the depths of your heart. Dovid HaMelech wrote Sefer Tehillim, and so can each person write his words to Hashem, to a certain extent and on his respective level. Of course, none of us are like Dovid HaMelech. But all of us have inherited gifts from our forefathers, and therefore, we can each write our words to Hashem, on our own level.

So we can write letters to Hashem. Don’t just write a small note. Write Him a long letter, just as a friend writes a long letters to his friend who lives on the other end of the world.

In Conclusion

It is my hope that you have opened your ears and heart to listen to these words and thereby absorb the concept of this inner kind of life we are describing here. It seems far away from you at first, but “the matter is very close to you, it is in your mouth and in your heart to do it.” Absorb this kind of life, this true kind of life, which is how a Jew lives: to converse with Hashem, regularly, to include Him in your life. Include Him in the external aspects of your life as well as in your feelings and experiences. Include Him in all aspects of your life!

May we merit to live the inner kind of life, a life of connection with Hashem, to be truly, truly connected with Him.

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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH THE RAV

Q1: What is the balance between how much one should talk to Hashem verbally and mentally?

A: There is no exact answer to this. Try to feel from within yourself and discern which method is more for you. To illustrate, how much should we eat and how much should we drink? There’s no exact answer. Sometimes we need to eat more and sometimes we need to drink more. So too, there are different ways to connect to Hashem (verbal and mental), and it depends on each person. Sometimes a person is talking to Hashem verbally and he feels that he needs a quieter kind of a connection, so he should use the mental method. Another kind of person isn’t satisfied with the mental method because although he has quiet, he feels that it’s lacking excitement, so he needs to make use of the verbal method. So each method depends on each person’s taste as well as on the particular time in his life.

Q2: How much time should we spend on tefillah and how much on hisbodedus?

A: Tefillah is our collective relationship with Hashem, whereas hisbodedus is one’s personal connection with Hashem. We need both aspects of our life. Therefore, the three tefillos we daven each day are not enough, and neither is hisbodedus enough. Through tefillah we can integrate with the collective unit of the Jewish people and through that we connect to Hashem; through hisbodedus, one brings his soul to have a personal connection with Hashem.

Q3: I am enjoying hisbodedus a lot, and because I have reached the understanding that I am always with Hashem, I never feel alone, and as a result, I am finding that my hisbodedus causing me to become anti-social. I don’t talk to my friends as much as I used to now that I am so immersed in hisbodedus. Is this a bad sign about my hisbodedus?

A: If a person is too isolated from his surroundings, yes, it is problematic. If hisbodedus is causing a person to separate from actions he doesn’t need to do anyway, this is actually the ideal state, and it is not bad at all. But the more inner understanding is as follows. Most conversations with others are self-serving. Once we eliminate our need for people and we are speaking with people a lot less, now we need to learn how to speak to others for the betterment of others. We need to speak to others as a form of giving to them and not because we need things of them.

Q4: How can I talk to Hashem as I am in middle of going through a negative emotion, such as if I am in middle of anger?

A: As you feel yourself getting angry, say to Hashem, “Hashem, You gave me the power of free will to choose if I will overcome my anger or not. I don’t want to get angry, because I know that it is your will that I should not be angry. Please help me choose correctly and overcome my anger.” In this way, you don’t just ask Hashem to help you overcome your anger; you include Hashem in all aspects of it, because you ask Him to help you choose.

Q5: Should I also add in the words “I am doing this because it is the will of Hashem?” How important is this?

A: It is very important, but one must be honest with himself and know if he’s really doing something for the will of Hashem or for himself. Although our soul deep down wants to do Hashem’s Will, our lower soul (nefesh habehaimis) doesn’t want to, so if one recognizes this, he must be aware that there is a contradiction between his body and soul, and then he should daven to Hashem for help and to be able to reach that level in which he is doing Hashem’s will for the sake of doing Hashem’s will.  On a deeper note, we need to become aware of the two parts in ourselves, a part that doesn’t want to do the will of Hashem and a part that wants to do the will of Hashem, and then daven to Hashem that we should listen to our higher part of our soul and not to the lower part of our soul.

Q6: I have given up my pastime of art in favor of studying spirituality. It helped me on a psychological level, but is there a way for me to use my art in my relationship with Hashem?

A: Surely. You can connect everything with Hashem. You should just try to uncover your motivations: Why do you like to draw? There is no one reason. We can’t say it’s good or bad to be into art. For one kind of person it is good and for another it is not good. So one should try to discern why he likes art, and then when he discovers that reason, he should try to learn how to connect it to his relationship with Hashem.

Q7: When I have conversations with myself in my thoughts and I know that Hashem is listening to my thoughts, is there a difference between that and a focused conversation on Hashem?

A: When you think directly about Hashem, that is a much stronger connection with Hashem.

Q8: When a person has verbal or mental connection with Hashem, does it give a nachas ruach (satisfaction) to Hashem, and if yes, how?

A: Everything Hashem created is all so that we can connect with Him. There are three parts to how we connect with Hashem in d’veykus: through action, word, and thought. In action, we connect with Hashem by not sinning and by doing the mitzvos. We connect to Hashem through word and thought by having verbal and mental connection with Hashem. This is the meaning of true d’veykus with Hashem. The purpose of Creation is to come to have true d’veykus, and this is how we give Him a nachas ruach. Life is not just about connecting to Hashem through actions, for a gentile can also connect to Hashem through proper actions. Life is not about action alone. We must connect to Hashem as well through our words and through our thoughts.

[Q9: Can these recordings of these shiurim be given out to those who aren’t part of these phone conferences?

A: If truth was said here, then I do not own it, because it belongs to Hashem. If what I said here was not true, then no one should hear it. If the words here are true, though, then the words here are not mine, for they are all a gift from Hashem to Klal Yisrael [and therefore I am not the owner of these words].