Fixing Your Earth - 008 Solutions for Sadness Caused By Water of Earth

Getting Over Your Failures

Now we will go through the solutions for sadness that is caused by the element of water within the element of earth. First, we will address sadness caused by earth in water-of-earth.

Water falls down to the earth. When a person falls from his level, he is either sad due to the fall itself, which is the nature of the water in the soul, or he is sad due to the ground he has fallen to – the earth, which he has landed on from his fall.

How can a person deal with the sadness he feels from his failures?

The solution for this sadness is what Rabbeinu Tam writes in Sefer HaYoshor.[1]He explains how every person has good times and bad times, and he gives guidance on how one can deal with failures: since every human being has failures, one should prepare before he fails with something he will be able to take with him even after he falls from his level. This will help him get through the time in which he feels low. In this way, even when a person falls, he won’t totally fall into the “earth”.

So when a person experiences a failure, even if it’s a very big failure, he should strengthen himself by reminding himself of his successes. This will help him get up from his fall, and he won’t feel as if he has totally failed, even though he is aware that he has experienced a failure.

This can help even a person who has gone through his biggest failure possible.

The Solution to Being Upset At Yourself

There is another kind of sadness (which is rooted in the “water” in water-of-earth), and that is when a person is upset at himself at the very fact that he has had a failure.

This sounds similar to what we just described above, but it’s actually a different kind of sadness. Before, the kind of sadness described is being caused by what the failure has led to, and now the person is sad as he tries to deal with his failure. But there is another kind of sadness that has to do with failure, and it is not about the actual failure per se; it is a sadness that comes from the very fact that one has had a failure. It bothers the person that he even had a failure; it’s not about what he failed in, but it is about the very concept of failure:  “How could it be that I failed?!”

The fact that a person has even had a failure to begin with can bother a person and make him sad. This is kind of sadness is coming from the water in water-of-earth.

If this is the reason why the person is sad, the solution is to see how somehow it is good for him that he has gone through this failure.  A person has to see how the failure was somehow needed to happen. The only reason why the person is sad at failure is because he thinks in his mind that failure is unnecessary. If we can show him however that the failure is somehow needed, he will be calmed by this, because now he sees why he had to go through the failure.

Two Kinds of “Good” Failure

This is similar to (but the not the exact same thing) as the concept known as “failing in order to grow” (yeridah l’tzorech aliyah), which is a concept of seeing how all failures are constructive. That is a sadness rooted in wind-of-earth, and it can be treated by the wind-of-earth, which is not what we are currently discussing; “failing in order to grow” will be discussed later, when we deal with sadness caused by wind-of-earth. Here, we are discussing a different point, which is sadness caused by the water-of-earth, in which a person feels that his failure is pointless. Such sadness can be solved by showing him how there was some need for him to go through the failure.

So if a person is sad because he’s upset at himself that he has failed, the solution is for him to see how this failure was somehow necessary. In order to work on this, it will not suffice for a person to come up with ludicrous reasons why it was necessary to go through the failure. The person has to see sensibly how this failure was necessary to go through.

Example 1: Yosef In Egypt

For example, Yosef “descended” to Egypt. At first, this seemed like a terrible thing, a “descent” – a failure that could not seem to have any good to say about it. Yet, because he was sent to Egypt (which was indeed a descent from spirituality into impurity), that was the catalyst for him to become viceroy of Egypt, which helped the situation of the Jewish people. This was a “failure” that ended up being a necessity. It wasn’t a “failure in order to grow”, but it was a failure that was needed.

(If someone gets carried away with this concept and sees how every failure he goes through is totally good, this is wrong, and he’s just imagining things. The point of what we are saying is that in every failure, a person should find just one point in which he can see how it was necessary for him to go through the failure.)

Example 2: Father Stuck in the House Babysitting

Another example: a person is stuck at home babysitting his kids, and he feels sad that he can’t go learn in the Beis Midrash. What can he do to calm down about this disappointment?

He can calm himself down by seeing how this situation is somehow a necessity. The fact that he is sitting at home with his children can have a positive effect on them, since he is around them and can be a figure for them. This is something that is needed for the children. So even though he has “descended” from his spiritual level by sitting and home and babysitting, it was a descent in order to enable a necessity. When he thinks about this, he realizes how this “failure” is necessary, and thinking about this can solve his sadness.

How is this working? It is using the element of water to solve the sadness, because water comes and nourishes and gives sustenance; water necessitates things. When a person sees how his failure is somehow necessary, he uses the “necessitating” of water to help himself.

1) Sad Because I’m Failing And I’m Not Growing

A person can still be sad from failures, though, for a different reason other than what we have said: in addition to the failure, he feels like he isn’t growing from it.

This is another kind of sadness, and it is coming from wind in water-of-earth.  The previous two kinds of sadness are able to be soothed when we show a person that he has somehow growing, in spite of the fact that he has had a failure. But what do we tell a person who is sad at both the fact that he has had a failure as well as that he isn’t growing now, due to his failure?

The solution is for such a person is that he needs to see how he is somehow growing even right now from the failure. This is the concept of yeridah l’tzorech aliyah – a “descent in order to ascend.” The whole reason why he is sad is because he doesn’t see how he is growing from the failure. If we can show him that somehow his failure can lead to some growth, then he will be comforted.[2]

2) The Solution To Being Sad Because I’m Not Growing

Another kind of sadness is sadness caused by the “fire” of the water-of-earth. This is when a person is upset at the fact that he isn’t growing higher, even if he isn’t necessarily falling from his level.

In other words, he’s not upset at the fact that he’s failing; that is not the point that is bothering him.  Even if he wouldn’t be failing at something, he still feels like he isn’t growing higher, and that is what is bothering him and making him sad.

On a deeper level, a person might have pain at the very fact that there is a decrease in spirituality as the generations continue, because there is yeridas hadoros (spiritual descent with the generations). The fact that Creation is not growing higher spiritually causes him pain, and he is sad at this.

For the first kind of person, the solution for his sadness is that if he would somehow see how he is growing higher also through this failure, then the failure wouldn’t make him sad.

How indeed can the person feel that he is somehow growing even though he doesn’t see that his growing higher? The fact that he has pain over his situation of non-growth is itself something that he can use to heal himself from the pain. He can say to himself, “At least it bothers me that I’m not growing.” If it bothers you, it shows that your spiritual level is important to you. That is already a way how you can gain from feeling very down and dismal at your period of non-growth.

As for the second kind of person we mentioned, this is a deeper kind of sadness – he’s sad over the situation of the world, which is sinking more and more as the generations go on. What can a person do to relieve himself of this horribly depressing thought (and he truly feels pain at this)?

Again, we can use the same solution: he can think to himself that the fact that he has pain over this is a kind of growth. By feeling pain over yeridas hadoros, a person grows from this; as he’s feeling dismal when he thinks about yeridas hadoros, he can remind himself that the fact that he has pain over this is itself a spiritual accomplishment.

This solution, to always see how any situation is somehow making you grow, can be utilized on two levels. In the superficial use, a person can imagine how somehow this situation will lead to something good. The inner use of this solution, however, is for a person to realize that since Hashem is found everywhere, He is found with a person even when he feels totally down in the dumps. Therefore, there is really no such thing as “failure”, because it can’t be a lowly situation if Hashem is still found with him.